"I would like to say how terribly upset we are at the sudden and tragic death of John Lennon. I have always had the deepest affection for John since the divorce and have always encouraged his relationship with Julian, which I thought was the best. Julian, of course, is particularly upset about it. It came so suddenly. Julian remained very close to his father in recent years and is hoping to follow a career in music. He was looking to his father for guidance. Julian was hoping to see his father shortly. We don't know what will happen now."
Cynthia, 1980
John during the day at home in The Dakota, New York City, on December 8, 1980
Photographed by Annie Leibovitz
“You know, dad and I had been getting on and speaking a lot more on the phone, you know, when I was sort of 14, 15, 16 and 17. And I just remember I was living in North Wales at the time and I’d spent six months or a year in boarding as well and I’d finally come home. And I was living at mum’s house and I was finishing up at school and I remember him playing Starting Over over the phone, he just mixed it. And he played it over the phone and I was living in the attic in the house in this street called Castle Street in a town called Ruthin, and I remember hearing it and saying I loved it, I absolutely loved it. I didn’t know what to expect from this new album of his, Double Fantasy. And I’d heard that and I told him how much I loved it and then obviously, what happened happened. It was literally, I don’t know whether it was the same day or night after or a couple of, it was right within that time period that I woke up with the unfortunate news of, I woke up in the middle of the night with the chimney falling in into my room at the house and I just remember that as being the last kind of moments, listening to him being extremely happy in a happy place, and doing what he loved, and the music that he played me at that particular point, Starting Over, and some of the other album tracks. I was very happy for him and looking forward to seeing him again. Anyway, in another dimension.”
Julian, 2020
December 8, 2020 marks the fortieth anniversary of John Lennon's death. 1980. I did not exist then, I entered the world almost a year later so I did not experience this loss. There's pros and cons.... a mixed bag of feelings. I would have loved to have had the opportunity to live in the same lifetime as John. However, I am relieved in some ways that I never got to experience his death. That magnitude of loss, I sometimes wondered if I would have survived that. I've been through tragic losses like Princess Diana and Robin Williams, where you're glued to the TV and tears streaming down the face. My mom said she was in bed for three days, crying over John.
Well, I don't want to go into every fiber detail there is over John's death. You're getting enough of it as it is on television, magazines, and social media. Since this is a John and Cynthia blog, I'll just focus on her side of the story instead.
"I was 17 when I lost my father, John was 17 when he lost his mother and Julian was 17 when he lost his father. He and John were just starting to talk together when some nutcase decided to knock him off."
Cynthia, 2000
Julian and Cynthia leaving home to go to the airport, followed by Zak Starkey, on December 9, 1980 in North Wales
In December of 1980, Cynthia's marriage to John Twist was struggling, barely hanging by the thread. Probably staying mainly together over their restaurant, Oliver's Bistro, and Cynthia trying to hold on as it was her third marriage... I don't think she was quite ready to quit and was praying a miracle would happen to save their marriage. They were cordial, obviously strained but tolerating their presence. Besides that, it was Christmas season and everyone was in a festive spirit, putting up decorations. On December 7th, Cynthia pulled a cracker and a toy gun fell to the floor. She picked it up and shivered.... the toy gun seemed very out of place amongst the decorations. The next day, on December 8th, Cynthia had to go to London to sign some legal paperwork. Oliver's Bistro was a bed and small cafe with a small staff with Cynthia, John Twist, Angie McCartney (Paul's ex-sister-in-law), and John's parents. Cynthia stayed with Maureen Starkey while in town. On that night, Maureen hosted a party with old friends, Dale and Jill Newton, from Liverpool. Maureen had a full house: her three children Zak, Jason, and Lee, her mother Florence, the children's nanny, and I believe her boyfriend Isaac Tigrett was living with Maureen but there was never really him being mentioned being there... either his presence wasn't as important in the story, or he was away on his own business trip and managing A Hard Rock Cafe. Anyway, there was dinner made by the nanny, drinks flowing around, and plenty of talking; the conversation took a sad turn on Mal Evans and his unfortunate death. On January 4, 1976, Mal (who was The Beatles roadie and assistant) was living in Los Angeles, separated from his wife Lil and their two children, and was feeling rather loss after his employment with The Beatles ended. Mal wasn't in the best situation. He did had a girlfriend and was at her house... Apparently something went terribly wrong and the police were called. Mal was having some sort of breakdown and had a gun. The police saw him waving the gun and thinking the worst, they shot him. Mal died instantly... and they discovered that the gun was unloaded. A very tragic loss and end for a kind man who wasn't in the right mind for a temporary time. At one point, Cynthia realized it was getting late and she was going to leave early in the morning to go back
John and Yoko during the day at home for the Rolling Stone magazine photo session in The Dakota, New York City, on December 8, 1980
Photographed by Annie Leibovitz
Meanwhile, on the other side of the pond in New York City, John and his wife Yoko... John got up early morning, had gotten a haircut in reminiscent of his 1950s "duck's arse" hairstyle, he was listening to Yoko's song Walking on Thin Ice that they were still working on by the time Yoko got up. They did a radio interview before the Rolling Stone magazine photo shoot with Annie Leibovitz, then to the music recording studio (the Hit Factory) until late, around 10:30 PM. John and Yoko were planning on going out for a late dinner but John wanted to come home to see Sean. As they were entering the building of The Dakota, John was ahead of Yoko when a man called out John's name. As John turned, the man started shooting with a gun, 5 shots. Four of them got John. John tried to go to the doorman for help before collapsing. The man was calm and waited for the police and got arrested, Yoko was screaming and calling for help while cradling John. The police came quickly; John was loaded in the cop car, still alive and barely conscious. The policeman asked if he was really John Lennon, to which John confirmed before dying. Once in the emergency room of St. Luke's Roosevelt Hospital, John was immediately admitted and operated on, given blood transfusions, but it was too late: John was already dead. John lost a lot of blood, one of the bullets severely damaged an artery. By 11:07 PM, John was officially pronounced dead. Yoko had followed John in another police car and was waiting in the waiting room when the doctor came out to tell her the news at 11:15 PM while handing over John's possessions.... it was when his wedding ring was given to her that Yoko knew for sure John was dead. David Geffen and Jack Douglas met up with Yoko at the hospital and went to take her back home (by police car) to be with Sean. John's body was taken to Frank E. Campbell Funeral Chapel in the morgue before cremation.
There's about a six hour difference between New York and London. When John was killed, Cynthia was sound asleep.
Elliot Mintz, Barbara Bach, and Ringo Starr leaving the Dakota in New York City after visiting Yoko and Sean on December 9, 1980. Julian arrived not long after.
John's death was announced on American television during Monday Night Football. Ringo Starr and his girlfriend Barbara Bach were on vacation in The Bahamas when her daughter Francesca called from Los Angeles with the news that John was shot but she wasn't sure if John was still alive or dead. Francesca called again a few minutes later to confirm that John was dead. While Ringo and Barbara arranged an immediate flight to go to New York to see Yoko and Sean, Ringo called Maureen to inform her the news. Maureen screamed, which woke up Cynthia. Maureen quickly burst into where Cynthia was sleeping and told her that John had been shot dead while Ringo was still on the phone. Cynthia spoke to Ringo; he told her exactly what he told Maureen: John's dead. Maureen insisted on accompanying Cynthia home and took Zak with them.
Immediately, Cynthia thought of her son, Julian.
Back in Wales, Julian was sleeping in his room but woke up, sensing something was terribly wrong. The press was slowly yet quickly gathering up around Oliver's Bistro. Cynthia had called her husband John Twist to tell him and asked him not to tell Julian until she got there... not exactly the best move as Julian certainly noticed the commotion going outside the Bistro. John had no choice but to tell Julian that his father was dead. Julian then went out to a pub with friends and drown his sorrows. Cynthia, Maureen, and her son Zak traveled to Wales. Julian was still out when Cynthia arrived and waited for him to come home. When he did, he sat on his mother's lap and she rocked him in her arms in comfort. Maureen busied herself making tea while Zak sat quietly in the corner, unsure of what to do. Then came the talk of what to do next. Maureen offered Julian her home for him as a safe refuge from the press; instead Julian opted to go to New York City. This is why I love Cynthia and Maureen's friendship, I even have a website dedicated to it called Cyn & Mo. Anyway, Julian wanted to be there and see for himself, he was also concerned for Sean. Around that moment, Yoko called. Or Julian called Yoko. Depends on what/who you believe as both versions have been said... no matter who called who, the main point was for making arrangements for Julian to fly to New York. As a protective mother, there seemed to have been a suggestion that Cynthia should come along, too, but Yoko said no. It was either Julian or Cynthia, not both... to be fair to Yoko, other than being concerned for Julian, why should Cynthia go? What would her presence be while there? Sitting quietly on a couch? That would have been awkward, and rather pointless, to be honest. Cynthia was the ex-wife, and there's bad enough tension between the ex-wife and the widow as it was. Yoko told Cynthia that it's not like they're good school friends. Cynthia felt hurt, maybe insulted, but, I must admit, I have to side with Yoko here. She had enough on her plate as it is with this tragedy, she had a five year old son who didn't know yet that John was dead, she had crowds of people mourning on her front door step of her apartment building, Yoko didn't need another person to add on. Cynthia did understand it, and Julian was 17 years old. However, there was a compromise for his best friend Justin Clayton to come along later.
Arrangements were made; John Twist and Cynthia took Julian to the airport. Maureen and Zak eventually went home. Ringo and Barbara visited Yoko and Sean and left just a few minutes before Julian arrived. I'll save Julian's stay in New York for a later date as this post is more so about Cynthia. Julian called Cynthia to let her know he was there safe and sound. Late at night, Cynthia was startled to hear a loud sound... she went outside to see what it was: her chimney had collapsed right into Julian's bedroom! If he had been there, he would have been crushed to death. Scary!
Julian and Cynthia leaving home to go to the airport on December 9, 1980 in North Wales
"Anyway, as Christmas 1980 approached, the marriage was falling apart but John, Angie and I were still slaving away in the restaurant. One afternoon we put up the Christmas tree and Angie and I light-heartedly pulled a cracker. Instantly, a small plastic gun fell out into my hand. I tossed it away in distaste. A week or so later I had to visit London and I went to stay with Maureen - now ex-wife of Ringo. We had dinner with some friends, then, since I had to be up promptly next morning for my train back to Wales, I went to bed early. I had no sense of foreboding. No premonition. I fell asleep easily. Then suddenly in the middle of the night there was a terrible shriek and a scream. I heard all this running up the stairs and a blood-curdling howling and screaming... Terrified, I jumped out of bed and ran onto the landing. There was Maureen in her nightie, tears streaming down her face. 'Ritchie's just been on the phone,' she sobbed, 'John's been shot! He's dead.' When John died I felt as if part of my life had been wiped out. My legs nearly collapsed under me. Oh Jesus Christ, I thought. I can't cope with this. And then I thought, Julian! He's in Wales and I'm here. How am I going to get to him? I can't tell him this over the phone. 'Don't worry Cyn,' said Maureen. 'I'll drive you back.' There seem to have been so many terrible shocks in my life. So many tragedies. Throughout the long drive I struggled to come to terms with what had happened. It was as if part of my life had been wiped out. Part of me. The worst horror was that it was murder. If it had been an accident, a plane crash or a car smash somehow that would have been easier, but murder... it was just too awful..Over and over again on the news they described what had happened. How the killer had approached John on the pavement outside his New York apartment. Every time I closed my eyes I could visualise it. I could almost feel the impact of those bullets as if it had happened to me. Even though we hadn't been together physically for so long there was obviously still a spiritual bond between us that I hadn't realised until now. The murder struck me right to my soul. For months afterwards I couldn't watch anything on TV that involved a gun. Every time I saw a gun, my mind threw up an instant replay of the murder. I couldn't bear it.This picture actually shows John signing an autograph for Mark David Chapman, the man who killed him..When we arrived in Wales the street was full of reporters and photographers and the curtains of the house were drawn. It was naïve of me to think that Julian wouldn't find out until I arrived. But then I was in shock. I hadn't been thinking clearly. As it turned out John Twist had broken the news and Julian had immediately gone out with his friends for comfort. There was nothing to be done but sit and wait for him to come back. Eventually the door opened and there he was. He was 17 now, a tall, slim boy, very like his dad. Someone had given him a drink but he was white, completely ashen and he was in tears. He didn't say anything. He came straight over and sat on my knee and we wept together and I rocked him just like I did when he was a little boy. Then, after a while the phone rang. It was Yoko. She wanted Julian to come over for the funeral. I realised that much as I would have liked to pay my respects it wouldn't be appropriate for me to attend too. Yoko was the widow, not me, and we didn't want to turn a solemn event into a circus. But Julian wanted to go and though I worried about the harrowing experience he would have to face I knew I must let him. That same day I drove him to the airport and put him on a plane for New York. But the dramas weren't quite over. Late that night, as I sat staring bleakly into the fire an incredible storm blew up out of nowhere. The wind howled in a way that was quite unearthly and then there was a tremendous crash that shook the house. The noise and the impact were so enormous I thought a bomb had gone off. Terrified, I rushed out into the street in the pouring rain and as I stood there, looking up and down the road, trying to make out what had happened something made me look up. My mouth dropped open. There was a gaping hole in our roof. The big stone chimney that had stood there through storms and rain for hundreds of years had crashed right through the roof into the room where Julian would have been sleeping had he not left for America. It absolutely freaked me out. It was so bizarre. That this should have happened on the night John was killed struck me as downright spooky. Despite it all, life had to go on as it always does. I decided the only way to cope was to try to be as normal as possible and resume my duties in the restaurant. Sympathetic cards and letters flowed in and I kept reading them and reading them in an effort to make myself believe it had really happened. I was still in a daze. I went about my work like a robot."
Cynthia, 1994
"I was at Maureen's house, Ringo's ex-wife, in London when we got a call from Ringo. He was in New York when it happened. It was horrible. It took us more than a year to understand what had happened. Julian was only 17 and he had to go to the funeral in New York alone because Yoko refused to allow myself or the rest of John's family to attend."
Cynthia, 1990
(as stated before, Ringo was actually in the Bahamas at the time before immediately going to New York. I don't necessarily blame Cynthia for the screw up... so many things happening all at once and in grief.)
"It's really the day afterwards that I remember. I had to put Julian on the plane for New York- aged 17 and all alone, facing the death of his father. Of course I wanted to go with him, but I was told that if I came, Julian couldn't. At home, that night I heard what sounded like a huge explosion so I leaped up- only to discover that a chimney pot had fallen through the roof and into Julian's bedroom, where in ordinary circumstances he would have been asleep. It was very weird. Amazingly the chimney landed intact, and wherever I've moved from then on, it's come with me."
Cynthia, 1998
There was actually no funeral. There wasn't even an official memorial service, nothing, other than 10 minutes of silence requested by Yoko on December 14th. John was cremated at Ferncliff Cemetery in New York on December 12th; his ashes were given to Yoko. There's been a lot of debates over the years on what Yoko did with them: for years, it was said she kept him under her bed. It's also rumored that she scattered his ashes in Central Park where Yoko and John frequently walked. At one time, Yoko said she buried his ashes in an undisclosed location in England... maybe where their first unborn child is? I don't know. Only Yoko knows. Julian definitely doesn't know, Sean.... iffy on his knowledge on where his dad's ashes are located. Either way, it's really none of our business as John was Yoko's husband. She's in charge of his remains and legacy.
Cynthia was deeply shattered by John's death, no question. Honestly, I think his death was much harder for her to get over than the divorce was. His death robbed John and everyone else, especially Julian, a chance to reconnect and be close. There was so much talk of plans: for John to go back to England with Yoko (although it's also been said that they were planning to divorce) and for Sean to meet his family, his sisters, Aunt Mimi, to have a proper father-son relationship with Julian, there was talk of Julian attending an University in New York and for him to live with John. There were pending plans to go tour which John hadn't done since 1966. Maybe a Beatles reunion could've happened in a few years. Unfortunately, those ideas, those plans, went poof! disappearing forever. We will never know what would've happened if John had lived.
"I don't think he found the complete satisfaction in life, because I think was always searching, always looking for it, always searching for something new. He was due to come back to England just before he died. So he was constantly changing and looking for new quests. But whatever he did, it was totally honest and wholehearted."
Cynthia, 1985
"Just before John was gunned down, he had said he was coming back to England. That would have helped; it would have put him back in touch with his roots. He might have got to know his son properly, we might have got on... it would have been normal and natural. But then, that was never the deal. There was nothing normal or natural about it"
Cynthia, 2009
"He told them [sisters Julia and Jackie] he was coming back to England to live. That he was leaving Yoko, he'd had enough. He said he kept having a dream in which he saw himself floating down theR MTersey in a huge Cunard liner. He told Julian, too, 'I want to come home'. It was not to be."
Cynthia, 1999
"Yes, millions of people did. For me, the most tragic aspect was that my son lost his father."
Cynthia, 1996
"His death was very hard to handle, but life goes on. I just wish that he had had a happy existence- he was always suffering in one way or another. But when I heard him sing, that was his escape."
Cynthia, 1999
