“As you and I well know, our marriage was over long before the advent of LSD or Yoko Ono... and that's reality!”
John, 1976
This post list was inspired by what John publicly wrote to Cynthia in 1976 during the time she was doing interviews, particularly with News of the World. I will post the entire letter(s) in full another day but now I want to go over the list of reasons why John and Cynthia's marriage didn't last… Mind you, this is all speculation and my opinions only. You don't have to agree and you are more than welcome to share your own opinions of what went wrong in the comments (just be nice is all I ask). So, let's give John a benefit of the doubt and explore the top 10 possibilities of why their marriage didn't last.
- John
He was away a lot. Even in town, John was away a lot. He was incredibly busy with The Beatles with recording, touring, partying, photo sessions, the lot. I don't think that's entirely his fault though. I can't even blame Brian Epstein for it. It's just the way of life of a musician in the 1960s. It's not just his lack of absence. There's also his drug-taking, infidelities, his old-fashioned views of being the dominant male and breadwinner of the household. John didn't exactly have the best husband-like figure in his own life as his father wasn't around at all and his beloved Uncle George Smith died when John was 13. There was hardly anybody for him to learn what it took to be a husband. Both Paul and George had their fathers, Ringo had his stepfather to be influenced; John didn't really have anybody. Then there's the in depth level on how much John loved/in love with Cynthia as many many people (except me) have question or came to the conclusion that John was never in love with her. Especially comparing to his overrated love story with Yoko Ono.
- Cynthia
I like to think that Cynthia didn't have a lot of blame in her marriage breakdown but… it does take two. Well, I think what John was looking for was a partner-in-crime or a dominant partner, or both. I must say and admit that Yoko provided both. Whatever John did, Yoko did too. Whatever Yoko did, John did too. Before Yoko arrived in his life, John did try to get Cynthia to be his partner-in-crime. He wanted a buddy to do drugs with (I don't think Cynthia was wrong on refusing drugs: good for her!) and whatever mischievous ideas he had. But I believe that once Cynthia became a mother, the partnership ended. Cynthia became, in Pattie Boyd's words, more like a mother than a wife. I also don't think Cynthia managed to integrate into the rock and roll style well. Although London may have fascinated her, she was more happier in a small town village. Maureen Starkey had a similar upbringing like Cynthia but managed to blend herself into the entertainment world while married to Ringo Starr and Isaac Tigrett. Cynthia wasn't a partyer, a few are okay but not frequently. Nothing wrong with that (as I am more of a homebody myself) but for John and their marriage, I believe he wanted more pizzazz and surprises; maybe more sex, more mischievous thinking, more fun, to be on his mentality wavelength. After John got hooked on LSD, whatever was left of their partnership started to wind down.
“I don't know. I must have a guardian angel somewhere. I guess it's my boring, down-to-earth attitude that probably sent John running and was the end of the marriage. I see things in black and white rather than grey or colours. It's just my upbringing. I'm a realist.”
Cynthia, 1988
- Drugs
A big part of the catalyst that broke up John and Cynthia. There will be a post dedicated to drugs so I don't want to dwell over this, so here's a short version: while John was in Hamburg, he was into pills that gave him and the other Beatles an adrenaline rush to play several hours onstage. When Cynthia visited, she took them too but I don't think the pills really agreed with her. In fact, I don't think any drugs agreed with Cynthia. She didn't take well to marijuana as it made her sick but she didn't really objected John using it as it helped him relaxed. I do think Cynthia did her fair share of it or at most had gotten a contact high. LSD frightened them both at first but John decided to explore it more while Cynthia definitely had a bad reaction every time she took it. As mentioned in #2, John wanted a drug buddy in Cynthia, but her body, mind, and self was just not into it.
"When John discovered drugs I lost him. He had decided his path in life and there was nothing I could do about it. He would just take acid every day in the hope of escaping from me, from Julian, from the Beatles. I tried acid twice but it just made me feel sick. My priority was Julian, while John had no interest in responsibility at all."
Cynthia, 2000
- Infidelities
All through their relationship, John did cheat. Maybe it had been exaggerated on how often… some made it as though John had so many women he barely had time for Cynthia or sleep. Yet early on their relationship, John and Cynthia were very inseparable… only John knows the real story but then again John would say he was a proud dirty man-slut. Whatever how it may have been, John covered it up because he didn't want Cynthia to know about it until he met and eventually got involved with Yoko. Before Yoko, John treated his side pieces like toilet paper. I guess John cheating did screw him to be paranoid towards the end of the marriage as he started to get curious on how Cynthia really behaved during their relationship.
- The Beatles
I wouldn't say The Beatles were THE blame of the breakdown of the marriage… but, yes … they did ultimately caused the breakdown. Cynthia did seem to understood that she would have to share her man not just with the guys but with the whole world. But that being said, Paul McCartney, George Harrison, Ringo Starr, Pete Best, and Stuart Sutcliffe did like Cynthia and vice versa. On their wedding night, John performed elsewhere. On the time during Julian was born, John was on tour. The Beatles took John away when he really needed to be with Cynthia during these monumental moments. They needed to readjust their relationship as a married parents but it was difficult to do when they were apart with just phones and letters. I do understand that John had no control over the timing and it was his dream to succeed as a musician- Cynthia knew that from day 1. Cynthia did accept it but it couldn't have been easy.
“I lost my first family to do what, make Sgt. Pepper?”
John, 1978
- Fame
I know that Cynthia yearned more for the early days when John started becoming more successful and well known. She preferred it. I get it: before John was famous, he was around more. Broke, mind you, but honestly, if John was to be homeless, Cynthia would be cozy in a cardboard box next to the highway alongside with him. They went everywhere together: to a park, to shops, to the movies, to wherever they wanted. As John got famous, he would get stopped, mobbed, and chased after so much so that it was impossible to just go outside and explore the city. They couldn't even live in the heart of the city as it was unbearable. It's a high price of fame. Nowadays it may have been different today but celebrities do still have paparazzi and stalkers while the fan-mobbing have scaled back a bit. If John and Cynthia were together in this day in age rather than in 1964, their freedom to go to wherever they pleased would be a lot easier! Unlike with Yoko Ono, John kept his marriage quiet and private. I don't think Cynthia then didn't like the fame part although she did participate in film premieres and travels. There were, and are, perks but fame does come at a price; from divorce, to death.
- Opposite Directions
Right from the very start of their relationship, John and Cynthia were very different from each other. Like night (John) and day (Cynthia). It even baffled their friends- it wouldn't surprise me if they took bets with how long it wouldn't last. At the same time, being the opposite seemed to have worked in balance. John took in so much joy into seeing Cynthia's shocked reactions over his grotesque and dark humor. Cynthia was very shy while John was sociable (up to a point). They had very few things in common: they lost a parent while aged 17; they were blind without their glasses; and they both enjoy reading. They were also artists, however even that has opposite point of views. John doodled, Cynthia detailed. With drugs, John wanted to explore while Cynthia had bad reactions. With raising Julian, John was tough while Cynthia coddled. I would say that around 1966/1967, John and Cynthia were starting to live two separate lives in one big house to the point of being roomies. They fell into a habit of sleeping in the spare room so one night owl would not wake the other. John was still wrapped up in his Beatle world as well as drugs and weird cronies while Cynthia went out and about with her mother. The opposite attraction may have worked in the beginning but it didn't in the end.
- Lillian Powell
I don't believe that Lillian's presence helped their marriage one bit. According to Tony Bramwell, Pete Shotton, and many others, John did not like Lillian. Of course, Cynthia tried to downplay it, 'oh yes, they got along for my sake'. At best, it was tolerance. For a better idea of my version on Lillian, think of Marie Barone (played by Doris Roberts) on Everybody Loves Raymond. John would give her money and send her off on shopping sprees just to get her out of the house. John even bought Lillian her own home nearby but that didn't last very long. I do understand why Lillian was around alot: she was very close to Cynthia, her only daughter and baby of her nest; she doted on her first grandchild, Julian; and who would want to leave a luxury apartment or mansion?!? I wish there was some sort of compromise… like, when John was away on tour or in the recording studio, Lillian could be with Cynthia. If John was home, Lillian could be with her two older sons, her friends, travel, be anywhere but Weybridge so John could have peace and quiet with his wife and son.
- Magic Alex Mardas
- Yoko Ono
No explanation necessary other than what's already been posted.
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