Volume I: John and Julian 1963-1971

Julian and John at home in Weybridge, 1965

Photographed by Cynthia

Another one of those posts that will make you (and me) slightly cringe. Okay, let's be completely honest here: out of the Beatles of being the best father, hands down John would be at the bottom of the list. He did get better the second time around with Sean: John was older, at home more, and more control over his career. But, this isn't about Sean, nor nothing against him either; this is strictly between John and Julian and the relationship will be divided into three volumes.

I: 1963-1971

II: 1974-1980

III: After John's Death

Please bear with me, too. Not everything was easy to research and write, especially knowing the strain that these two went through… especially part 2 and 3.

As mentioned before, pregnancy of Julian was an oopsie and kept secret away from fans until late 1963/early 1964. His parents had to get married just as John's career with the Beatles blasted off to a new world of fame. It took John away for most of the pregnancy and his birth; it took three days for John to finally meet his son. He is the only Beatle to do so: John was present for Sean’s birth, Paul was there for Mary, Stella, James, and Beatrice. Ringo was there for Zak, Jason, and Lee. George was there for Dhani. More so because John's marriage and Julian's birth were kept a secret and Brian Epstein was determined to keep it that way. That being said, John wasn't the only celebrity to miss his child’s birth, so I don't think it's really fair to scold him for it. It was what it was, so let's move on…

“Ninety percent of the people on this planet, especially in the West, were born out of a bottle of whiskey on a Saturday night, and there was no intent to have children. So ninety percent of us- that includes everybody- were accidents. I don't know anybody who was a planned child. All of us were Saturday night specials. Julian is in the majority, along with me and everyone else. Sean is a planned child, and therein lies the difference. I don't love Julian any less as a child. He's still my son, whether he came from a bottle of whiskey or because they didn't have pills in those days. He's here, he belongs to me, and he always will."

John, 1980

“Years later he said something in an interview which was to hurt me very much. He told Playboy magazine: ‘Julian was born out of a bottle of whisky on a Saturday night.’ John was with Yoko Ono then but I was still offended and so was Julian. It was so untrue. I could tell that John said it to impress the interviewer but it still hurt. For a start we didn't even drink whisky in those days but the worst part was the implied denial of our love. We were very much in love and very happy- Julian truly was a love child.”

Cynthia, 1994

I agree with Cynthia and Julian here. That comment by John of Julian being a product of a Whiskey bottle was, and still is, hurtful. I don't care if the current wife was sitting next to him or not, John didn't really have a filter or had any ability to be considerate to his son’s feelings. The only thing I do like about the quote is the last part: He's here, he belongs to me, and he always will. John did kind of tried to do damage control by saying that Julian wasn't the only accident- he mentioned himself as an accident. John did have a valid point, yes, I too was an accident, but unlike John, my mother never said anything of it to make me feel hurt.

“During the early years when the Beatles were making it big, I led a real bachelor's life, even after Cynthia and I were married. I mean, I knew I had a wife and small child at home, but I didn't want the responsibility. It's like Julian is a semi-orphan, and I was, too.”

John, 1979

“I think it was all too much for him. And The Beatles' success was too much too soon in many respects. What happened career-wise was an explosive moment in his life. Then finding out what it meant to have a wife and kids as well… I don't think he could deal with the responsibility. He wanted to have fun, is what he would say."

Julian, 1999

“In those days, if your girlfriend got pregnant, it was quite simple- you got married. John wasn’t happy about the baby, although I knew he began months later to really love Julian. But the fact that he had to marry was disturbing to him. His decision to go to Spain, although very selfish, was a ‘fuck you’ to all the things that were happening to him. It’s kind of ironic because months later at a West End pub called the Speakeasy, we were chatting after a recording session. Both of us sensitively talked about our infant children, and how good it felt to be fathers. John loved Julian, but he didn’t love the circumstances surrounding his birth.”

Tony Barrow

Alright, I can buy that. Yes, Julian's arrival wasn't in the best time frame in that point in John's life. As I pointed out many times already, his career was happening! A record deal, more gigs turning into tours, going to more places outside of Liverpool and Hamburg, television appearances, radio appearances, photo shoots, songwriting, recording, nightclubbing, women and girls throwing themselves on these handsome gentlemen, and being the age of 22 years old. Heck, when I was 22, there was no way I was ready to be a parent and I knew it despite having maternal instincts. However, unlike John, I have no musical talent in my body to succeed. But I can definitely relate to being 22, the world became a playground to explore without holding a parent/guardian’s hand. John was not ready to settle down but didn't have much of a choice. Well, he did… he could have said, ‘screw this Cynthia, you are on your own’, and leave. But John didn't. Maybe he didn't want Cynthia to suffer the consequences of being a social outcast or maybe he couldn't bear the idea of another man raising his child. If Julian had been born in 1964, 1966, perhaps John's frame of mind in 1980’s Whiskey comment wouldn't exist. More importantly, I believe John did not want to end up doing what his father did: not be there for him growing up. I do believe in my heart of hearts that John was determined not to be like Alfred, but of course, he did become like his father.

“To be perfectly honest, we were too young. But who was to know then that The Beatles were going to become the biggest thing since sliced bread? John was whisked away from us so that he couldn't fulfill his father's role.”

Cynthia, 1999

Julian and John at home in Weybridge, 1965

Photographed by Henry Grossman

I like to believe that John tried his best with Julian when he was home. But John also wanted 'me’ time while at home to read newspapers and watch TV, to be able to relax, sleep, and forget that he’s famous and in high demand. However, Julian was a baby and toddler in those years, wanting attention and company. John did often take Julian out to Ringo's house, 10 minutes away. I don't think John really took Julian elsewhere like to the park, or go shopping and walk around in case John would get mobbed by fans- that was always the big concern. While on tour (I will get in depth with touring in another post), John would call home almost every night and talk in baby talk to Julian. He would also buy things along the way and fans would give John something for Julian. Many years later, Julian would admit his jealousy of witnessing John spoiling Sean while visiting in New York City; perhaps he was way too young to remember that while John was living with him in Weybridge, John did indeed spoil Julian! He also had his own big room in a mansion out in the Surrey country. Cynthia frequently confirmed on how whenever John went shopping, he would come home with endless gifts including toys that were too old for Julian and be put away for when he becomes the proper age. While recording, touring, or filming, John missed most of Julian's growing milestones, like first steps, first word, first this, first that, growing a couple of inches taller. I am sure that did hurt John deeply enough that when he had Sean, he didn't want to miss those milestones. When Julian became a musician himself and experienced the recording and touring grueling hours, he understood John a lot more better, like an 'oooooh I get it!’ to explain why John wasn't able to watch Julian grow up.

“When Julian was small, we all gathered at Mimi's because John was there. We sat for years listening to idle chit-chat. But this time we were really listening because John was there. I don't know what Nanny said to him, but John insisted that his child wasn't going to be a stuffed dummy, he was going to be a wild spirit! A couple of years later he was ringing Mimi, pleading, ‘Can you please take Julian and do something with him!’”

Julia Baird, 1986

“When he was home, John was a typical father. He couldn't stand changing nappies - I believed he got involved with that later in life - but he loved to watch bathtime. And when Julian went on the bottle, John took his turn at feeding him. he crawled about on the floor with his son and cuddled him just like any other dad. The only thing he couldn't do was take him for walks in the park, because even here, in the country, the fans found us”

Cynthia, 1994

“It was hard for him to come to terms with what was going on at home.”

Cynthia, 1999

“All I know was that he was away a lot. When he came home and we were together, I recall most of all the fun like flying a kite in the garden, or the riding on the back of Dad's motorbike down to Ringo's home. The rest of my childhood with Dad is a fog."
Julian, 1985

“I have a few pleasing images of him from before I was five, for instance, of him playing with me in the swimming pool and riding on the motorcycle down to Ringo's, but they are very distant memories.”

Julian, 1995

"But if Dad was going to be a musician, then he obviously had to be away from home a lot. Nobody is blaming him. I just missed him and wished he was around more"
Julian 1985

"John, as a father, was forced, I'm afraid, to be a part-time dad. For the first few years when we saw him, it was between tours and recording albums. He would sleep until late and be up until late, so when he saw Julian, he was lovely. Bemused, I think because he didn't quite understand that this little boy was his. As Julian got older, John became more emotional about being a father...I think he took a very strong look inside himself and saw what he'd been missing."
Cynthia, 1988

"My earliest memories of my dad were between the ages of three and five, swimming in the pool with him, just doing kid stuff. He used to sit me on the front of his bike in front of him and take me down to Ringo's once in a while, which was fun. I don't recall missing him when he was away on tours that much, because I was always preoccupied by my mother, school, and the fans at the gate, and whenever Dad came back, that was great. It was strange, but it didn't seem unusual because it was part of everyday life."
Julian

"This was serious business for him and he seemed determined that whatever was happening around him, there would be a time in his life for Julian. And there was also an intense regard for his wife, Cynthia. I mean, this was a young father who seemed determined to make sure that things were right. I know John was preoccupied by the insanity of the tour, but he was insistent there be time to make the call home and connect, connect with his wife and his son"
Art Schreiber, Radio Broadcaster

"Once while Cynthia was away with Mrs. Powell, I was staying in the house with Julian. I had put Julian to bed, but he was having an earache and was very upset. I put him to bed, but he was in so much pain, I sat up with him that night. When John came in quite late, he came along to Julian's room to see what was wrong. The light was on and I explained about the earache. John said, 'You got to bed, Dot, I'll stay up with him'. He was always concerned, like a good father. He was a good man."
Dorothy Jarlett, the Lennon's housekeeper

“I’ll keep looking at him crawling on the floor, thinking 'where did he come from?’”

John, 1965

"Well, I just want him to grow up happy. That's the main thing. Just love, that's the main thing you know. He's just going to be happy and know he's wanted. I'm not having any of that boarding school or sending him away. He's going to be with us all the time"  
John, 1965

"He doesn't owe me anything. I'll make life as easy for him as I can but it's no use me thinking what I would do if I was him because I'm not him and he isn't Little Me"
John

"I now take notice of other kids, and compare them to Julian. I think to myself, 'That's clever, I don't think mine can do that' or vice versa. A lot of people like having children for their old age, I just want them because I like them."

John, 1966

"I don't remember seeing him as a child. It was the height of the Beatle thing so I was working all the time, I never considered what it was doing to him, I didn't even count it. The mother was at home, I was away, like most guys at 24 or 25, they're too intent on their career really, you know"
John

“I bought him a slide but he’s got it already. He goes up and down on it but I’m always buying him things anyway. There are a few things stuffed away in the attic which he’s get. But Cyn takes care of it all”
John, 1965

“John used to play with Julian on his skateboard. When skateboards first came out in the 60s, they were quite small. Basically, it was just a board with roller skates. They used to play outside on the slope leading up to the house.”
Dorothy Jarlett

John and Julian at home in Weybridge, 1967

After John stopped touring in 1966, he wanted to be a proper dad to Julian, including putting him in bed with a bedtime story. In 1968, John and Cynthia's marriage crumbled into divorce- that topic will have a post of it's own. John had fallen in love with Yoko Ono and basically lost interest in his wife. During his wooing stage with Yoko during his divorce proceedings, John barely saw Julian from the time Cynthia took Julian to Italy (in May) when John took that opportunity to dump his wife for a new woman until some months later (around July) when John and Yoko came by to meet with Cynthia about their divorce. John only exchanged two words to Julian: hi (with a hug when Julian ran up to him) and bye.

Yoko, Julian, and John watching the Rolling Stones’ Rock n Roll Circus, 1968

It would take until December for John to see Julian again to take him to the Rolling Stones’ Rock n Roll Circus special. During that time period, John was doing heroin and there's no way in hell a child should be in that kind of environment; probably the best fatherly decision John ever made was to know that heroin and a child present do not mix. Then soon after, John married Yoko and settled in Tittenhurst Park, did the regular visitations came into play. In the agreement of the divorce, Cynthia was to have custody while John had weekend and school holidays visitation. I don't think John really liked that agreement… one of the things John told Magic Alex Madras to tell Cynthia that he had planned to take Julian away from Cynthia (and send her back to Hoylake… again, the divorce will be written in depth on it's own post) and in 1969 while in Scotland with Yoko, Kyoko, and Julian visiting his aunt Mater, he told her that he was going to fight for main custody but Mater told him no way. However, I think it was more to do with Yoko’s custody fight over Kyoko with Tony Cox; both John and Yoko envisioned their own world with their children, their exes disappeared from their minds, isolating themselves away from everybody and everything. Even the Beatles were losing top priority. No question that his parents’ divorce and his father's neglect affected Julian, scarred for life. I wouldn't be surprised if it affected enough of why Julian is still not married and certainly why he doesn't have children of his own.

“I do not think that Mr. Lennon showed the usual interest the father showed in the household. He was certainly not bad with Julian, but he appeared to be preoccupied with other matters… When Mr. Lennon was at home there were often rows during meals when John seemed to be too severe with Julian and criticised the way he behaved at table. Julian, who was a very sensitive child at the time would become upset and Mrs. Lennon would argue with Mr. Lennon about this. As a result there would be an argument about the way Julian was being brought up. Mr. Lennon would say Mrs. Lennon was too soft with him. I think that he was probably not enough with his son at my house owing to his profession to know how to handle him. Julian's table manners were if anything better than average. As a result he would often smack him.”

Dorothy Jarlett, 1968 in the Lennon's divorce papers

"It affected him severely. Julian had had a difficult life because he had a famous father that he seldom saw, but after the divorce it was worse because John and Yoko went to live in New York and we stayed in England."

Cynthia, 1999

"I always encouraged John to see Julian. I felt it would be positively cruel to keep a father from seeing his son.”

Cynthia, 1981

“It was hard for John to give space to a child, because he was more involved in growing up himself.”

Yoko, 1985

Yoko, Julian, and John in 1970

In 1970, after Cynthia got married to Roberto Bassanini, they had a housewarming party; John and Yoko attended. The next day, John came over on his own to see Julian, spending many hours in his room. Later, John came down and had a nice chat with Cynthia until Yoko called threatening to kill herself if John doesn't come home. Oddly enough, this day was not in any of Cynthia's books, nor in her six part Hello! magazine installments. I believe it's from Peter Brown’s The Love You Make (known as a trashy gossip book that tabloids would love; that being said, I do think there's some truth in it. I admittedly haven't read it in awhile but that visit stood out). Anyway, visitation scheduling mainly went through, speaking of the devil, Peter since John refused to speak to Cynthia and all seemed well until Cynthia got a call from Yoko.

"She said, 'John and I have decided that from now on I speak to you about Julian and he speaks to my ex-husband about my daughter Kyoko'. Then there was no contact for four years. Julian would watch TV and it would be, 'That's my daddy!' At school it was, 'My daddy is a Beatle'. But daddy wasn't having anything to do with him.”

Cynthia, 2000

[To John] “Part of the reason things got so bad was because with Kyoko, it was you and Tony dealing. Men. With your son Julian, it was women -- there was more understanding between me and Cyn. [To interviewer] For example, there was a birthday party that Kyoko had and we were both invited, but John felt very uptight about it and he didn't go. He wouldn't deal with Tony. But we were both invited to Julian's party and we both went. Or like when I was invited to Tony's place alone, I couldn't go; but when John was invited to Cyn's, he did go. So it was easier for Julian, because I was allowing it to happen.”

Yoko, 1980

“One rule for the men, one for the women.”

John, 1980

Sounds very ridiculous, doesn't it? And no, it wasn't easy for Julian or Kyoko and… Yoko was allowing it to happen? For John to go to Cynthia's alone? Ha! Well, John tried to dominate and bully Tony about Yoko's custody of Kyoko, which freaked Tony out because he was The parent, the one who stayed home with her while Yoko was doing her art shows and doing gosh-knows what else. I honestly don't blame Tony for doing what he did. Kyoko was his baby, he was mainly raising her, and they had a very close bond as did Cynthia and Julian. To have these two other parents that were absent majority of the time threatening to have main custody and give their exes limited access to the children with the money they had? Cynthia wrote in her 2005 book John that if he did that to her, Cynthia would definitely fight tooth and nail for her child- she was prepared for a fight. With that call Cynthia received from Yoko, she didn't agree: John was Julian's parent and that's who Cynthia wants to deal with when talking about Julian. I agree with Cynthia. But despite Cynthia's foot down, it came with a price: after that phone call in 1971, John didn't see Julian for three years.

Julian, John, Yoko, and a friend rowing a boat at home in Tittenhurst Park, 1971