Abnormal Family

While at the hospital to see Julian for the first time, John told Cynthia that during the first break the Beatles were going to get that he is going to go to Spain… with Brian Epstein. It's the first break John has had since they got married, no! Before! John has had hardly a break since I suppose his 21st birthday in 1961 to Paris with Paul (Cynthia didn't go, she had to go to college). Cynthia understood but not thrilled. I bet! I wonder why Brian thought to take John? Paul, George, and Ringo were going to the Canary Islands… I honestly can't picture John stuck at home. Julian couldn't certainly travel (maybe now these days but in 1963? Not likely) and Cynthia couldn't travel either; not only she was still recovering from birth but she was breast feeding and was learning how to be a first time mother/parent. Brian knew Cynthia had the baby but still deciding to take John away. Maybe Brian thought neighborhood local fans in the Mendips area would see John walking around with Cynthia and Julian on the street? Maybe the reality of fatherhood scared the crap out of John? I don't think neither Brian nor John thought this through of what about Cynthia and consider her feelings in this holiday arrangement. Sadly, it was the first out of countless times John would put himself first rather than putting Cynthia and Julian’s needs ahead of his own.

It's fair to say that both John and Cynthia were inexperienced with babies. I don't think they were around as many to know what to do and how to read cries of the baby's wants (fed, diaper change). While pregnant, Cynthia was not offered, nor did she thought of asking, about classes of baby 101. She had to learn and trust her instincts through trial and error. In a way, with John gone in Spain, she felt it would be better to concentrate on Julian with full attention. No matter the reasoning, it did not win John any favors as a good Dad.

“I was on holiday with Brian Epstein in Spain, where the rumors went round that he and I were having a love affair… We left Cyn with the baby, and I went to Spain and we had lots of funny stories, you know…”

John

“Cyn was having a baby and the holiday was planned, but I wasn't going to break the holiday for a baby and that's what a bastard I was. And I just went on holiday.”

John, 1970

At least John realized it was a bastard thing to do. He had to realized it many times. Okay, moving on: when John returned, he was refreshed and back to work. His marriage and fatherhood was still kept secret but was slowly coming out.

“She was a very nice person and Brian often said how good an influence she was on John. But it suited the grand plan to keep her well in the background, baby and all. They lived as quietly as possible with John’s Aunt Mimi in Liverpool.”

Alistair Taylor, Brian's assistant

“Another girl I knew who was a big John Lennon fan, she said to me, 'I know he's married and he's got a baby daughter.’ I looked away and I said, 'He hasn't got a baby daughter,’ because at least that was true. I just knew you didn't say things.”

Freda Kelly, The Beatles Fan Club secretary

Julian was not an easy baby. He cried and cried and cried. Cynthia thought maybe it was the result of the tension in the house with Aunt Mimi who barely, if rarely, lifted a finger to help the new mom. I personally think that Julian could have had colic. When his crying got too much for her and couldn't figure out what to do, Cynthia would wrap him up and put him in the pram aka stroller and push him at the end of the garden where he can scream while Cynthia was nervous that Mimi was distrubed by the crying. I do wonder about something though… did Cynthia ever heard of Dr. Spock? Or go to the library or bookstore to find parenting and baby books?

By the time Julian was six months old (October), his grandmother Lillian moved back to Liverpool after her Nanny job was done. She was understandably anxious to see her first grandchild for the first time. She moved in at Mimi's house! Oh the fun… now, why couldn't Lillian stay with her son Tony as she did a year before? Why be in a house where she knew that the owner by the name of Mimi was no fan of hers and vice versa? John was probably thankful not to be there. Before Lillian's arrival, Mimi told Cynthia that she had a dream that she shut the door on Lillian and not welcoming her in, brushing it off as a silly dream. It certainly wasn't silly to Cynthia! Cynthia knew just then that she, John, and Julian had to move out. I think it would have been easier if Lillian stayed at Tony's but visited Cynthia during the day, but nope… Not long after Lillian's arrival, Cynthia started looking for a temporary home. Their family home in Hoylake was still being rented out but the contract was soon going to be expired so Cynthia found a little apartment that's not exactly child friendly but desperate times called for desperate measures. Julian was still fussy but once the Powell family home was available, he settled down and slept through the night. No tension in the house and where Cynthia can finally breathe. I don't think John was thrilled at all but he wasn't living in the family drama. Plus he knew something that Cynthia didn't: John was planning to make the move down to London where he had been spending most of his time and yes, Cynthia and Julian were to come down and live with him. By the end of the year, John found an apartment in London, above photographer Robert Freeman’s apartment. Cynthia and Julian soon moved in with Lillian in tow to help.

“I was told to keep a low profile, to put it mildly. It wasn't considered good for the Beatles’ image for John to admit to having a wife, and certainly not a child.”

Cynthia, 1985

“That was how it was in those days, it was amateur and naive. I was walking round Derry and Toms trying to get the cheapest furniture for this flat and pushing Julian round in a pram and, of course, John was not there. Nobody knew what I looked like or who I was. I could have got away with murder.”

Cynthia, 2005

“Julian still has on a tape we must have made when he was in his pram. It's lovely to have that reminder of everyday happiness because ours was such an abnormal marriage, John's and mine. Nothing was normal about it."

Cynthia, 1999

"I went to stay with my mother and the press must have been tipped off, because I was chased in and out of shops with the pram. My mum went out to face them, and when they said, ‘Is that Cynthia, John's wife?’ she said, ‘No, it's her twin sister.’”

Cynthia, 1999

"It was beautiful. We moved from Liverpool, actually Hoylake where I was staying with Mum. John had just started touring, we moved to a maisonette near Cromwell Road and I had Julian. There wasn't a lift and we had to go up and down stairs. Eventually there were always crowds of people outside when we went out so we both agreed we ought to do the proper thing and go and buy a mansion in Weybridge. That was in 1964 and the mansion cost £19,000."

Cynthia, 1988

When you're not traveling and recording, and you are living at home, do you sleep late or get up early? (Interview Q&A 1964)

“I sleep late, Cyn has to get up early for the baby, unless we’ve got her mother over or a nurse, somebody to look after him. We're not a normal family. Cyn and I go out all night, just as if we were still engaged.”

What does your wife think about this, does she enjoy it or let's say get pestered by the onsault of gifts or does she pick them out or what? (Interview Q &A 1964)

“She doesn't get pestered because I try to keep her out of the limelight. There's very few photographs of her, so if she wants to go sort of in the town anyway, she can go around, you know, because people don't know what she looks like, really.”

We will get into more of John's want for family privacy in another post. John's marriage and fatherhood was starting to come out more and more. People talk, people saw, people aren't stupid… At this point, John was becoming frustrated to keep this secret. So was Cynthia. She didn't want to be famous, but she didn't want her husband to be known as single. They both reached that I-had-enough limit. The earliest known publication about John being married was in July of 1963 but received a no comment response. Then, in November of 1963, Cynthia had Julian baptized at her childhood Hoylake Parish Church and afterwards was greeted by the press. It was how John found out about his son’s baptism. He wasn't pissed about the press- he was pissed that he didn't know a thing about it. Cynthia had her reasons: it was hardly a big deal other than a family tradition and she didn't want to attract attention on John. John just wanted to be told and have a say on the matter… how very fatherly of you, John! Interestingly enough, I have never seen these photos or newspaper clippings on Julian's baptism… have you? Maybe in someone's attic or basement or vault, yellowed in age or crumbled to dust. There must be something out there? I hope to see it in some point of my lifetime. By January of 1964, John's marriage and fatherhood was in general knowledge to the England country and by the following month, Cynthia will step out of the shadows on John's side when he travels to America as a known married family man Beatle.

Tribute to Linda

Linda Louise Eastman McCartney

September 24, 1941 - April 17, 1998

On April 17, 1998, Linda McCartney died in the arms of her husband of 29 years, Paul McCartney, and was surrounded by their four children, Heather, Mary, Stella, and James, in their Arizona home. Twenty years ago today. Before and after Linda's death, hardly anything was known of the relationship between Linda and Cynthia (and Julian). I do know that they have met a few times and that's what I am going to explore as a tribute to Linda. So, let's start from the beginning:

Linda was living in Arizona when the Beatles became popular in America- it was where she bought her first album of theirs and became a fan. She also developed a crush on John Lennon. In 1965, newly divorced Linda moved to New York where she was born and raised with her young daughter Heather and in August of that year, she saw the Beatles perform live at Shea Stadium. It wasn't until May of 1967 when Linda met John… and she wasn't exactly impressed

“I guess I wanted to say something controversial, and maybe I thought Linda was being a bit blase about Chris [Stamp, The Who’s manager], so I added, 'After him, you could have almost anybody in the world.' And she said, 'Oh well, maybe I'll marry one of the Beatles.' I asked, 'Which one?' and she answered, 'John Lennon?' So I told her, 'He's married,' and she said, 'Paul McCartney?', and that's how it went.” 

Pete Townshend 

(1998, based on a conversation he had with Linda in the Spring of 1967)

"It was John who interested me at the start. He was my Beatle hero. But when I met him the fascination faded fast and I found it was Paul I liked." 

Linda McCartney

"In retrospect, it's strange to think that back in 1965 John was my favorite Beatle. I can even remember sitting in a car in New York one night and thinking that if I could meet just one person in the world I would like it to be John Lennon because he seemed so confident and so artistic. When I did eventually meet him he was totally lacking in confidence and was very nervous. It showed me that people are often not what they seem at first."

Linda McCartney

"My wife, I wasn't her favorite Beatle, John was" 

Paul McCartney

Julian, Photographed by Linda

By the time Linda became a regular fixture in the Beatles’ Family Circle, John and Cynthia were already separated, divorcing, and John was with Yoko Ono. Somewhere in that time frame, Linda went to John's home in Weybridge and took a photo of Julian- it may be very well the first time Linda met Julian. I should note that the picture of Julian was from Linda's second photography book, Photographs, published in 1982; she listed that it was taken in Weybridge during 1967 but that honestly makes no sense. Yes, John and Linda met in May of 1967 while she was there for a few days to take pictures of the Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper album launch after being invited by Brian Epstein. However, I can't imagine John inviting someone he barely knew to come over to his house to take a picture of his son… then again, he spent a good part of that year high as a kite on marijuana and LSD, he did bring home people from clubs to keep on partying but in this case, Linda was known not to be the best record keeper of her photographs, so they weren't organized, labeled, or anything. In 1968, when Linda became Paul's official girlfriend, Cynthia was moving out of Weybridge and John and Yoko moved back in for the remainder of the year so that time frame makes sense for Linda to take Julian's picture when he visited his dad.

After remarrying to Roberto Bassanini in 1970, Cynthia threw a housewarming party: John and Yoko, George and Pattie Harrison, Ringo and Maureen Starr, Paul and Linda attended. That must have been when Cynthia and Linda first met. Afterwards, Paul and Linda started on their music career, forming Wings, recording, touring around the world, and expanding their family while Cynthia led a private and quiet life raising Julian and trying to make ends meet.

In 1974, John was living in America and separated from Yoko while living with May Pang, alternating between Los Angeles and New York City. In December of 1974, Paul and Linda with their daughters visited John and May while Julian was visiting in New York. Julian also saw George in concert and met up with George backstage while John and May were at Linda's father's home where Julian called with a message from George (there was some drama between John and George, but more about that some other time on a different subject matter). So, I guess Julian may have spoken to Lee Eastman when he picked up the phone to pass over to John?

In 1985, for some reason, Linda sent Cynthia a postcard to say hello and invite her over for tea. I don't know if Cynthia and Linda ever had their tea date, but it's nice to know that Cynthia was invited and thought of by Linda.

On January 14, 1990, Cynthia saw Paul and Linda in concert at Wembley Stadium in London. I wish I can elaborate more on this but that's all I got- I don't know if Cynthia went backstage or to the after party or anything other than attendance.

In April of 1997, almost a year before Linda's death, Paul sent Julian an advance copy of his record Flaming Pie with a note that Linda added her own little love note on the paper. Julian also revealed over the years that he had gotten Birthday and Christmas cards from Paul.

After Linda's death, there were reports on Julian covering the Beatles’ Blackbird for a record dedicated to Linda and proceeds for charity.

"I didn't know Linda that well, but she and Paul showed that it was possible to remain together. It's the only way to survive a relationship in this industry; it's too difficult without that. Either you don't have the support of the distance is too great that in a time of need, you fall apart. The only way that doesn't happen is if you're side by side all the way." 

Julian, 1999

As for Cynthia, she barely spoke of Linda other than a passing mention in her 2005 autobiography book John about Paul marrying Linda after he vowed to remain in touch with Cynthia. I am very certain that Cynthia felt very sad over Linda's death but I can't say that they were very close other than friendly encounters and that bond of Wives’ sisterhood club.

If you have any additional information on Linda and Cynthia's relationship, I very much would like to know more. Please feel free to comment! 

Cynthia's Imaginary Middle Name

I need to get this rant off my chest:
How on Earth does someone get Lillian as Cynthia Lennon’s middle name??? Many areas, mostly sites that can be altered by anybody (Wikipedia, imdb.com) put Cynthia’s full name as Cynthia Lillian Powell. When she died, a few news outlets actually fell for it, reporting her so called full name. I know where Lillian came from: her mother. But someone just inserted it in.

THERE IS NO OFFICIAL PROOF!!!!! I would think Cynthia herself would say something, right? There’s no mention of having a middle name in neither books, A Twist of Lennon and John. There’s no mention of it in her 6 part Hello! magazine series about her life with John. They all said the same thing: “I was born Cynthia Powell…”
Her make-believe middle name does not show up in any love letters written by John. If he included his own middle name, wouldn’t John do the same for Cynthia? Nor does this concoction middle name claim shows up on her marriage certificate to John. John Winston Lennon, check… Cynthia Powell yes… So, where is Lillian??? I’ll tell you where: NO WHERE! John didn’t like his middle name but he didn’t hide it either.
Unfortunately this has gotten out of control! It’s sad that one error can whip up into reality.

It’s Cynthia Powell. Not Cynthia Lillian Powell.

Find me official proof and I will be more than happy to delete this post with apologies.

Cynthia's Untitled Poems

Cynthia started writing poetry in 1968 while in Reshikesh, India. Only a few handful of poems were published in 1978 from her first autobiography book, A Twist of Lennon. 

A flower, a kiss, a smile of love
Heartwarming gifts from up above
The hand of coldness disappears
When we forget our chosen fears.
Just one experience of love
Gives hope and life in endless years
Of learning how to move our minds of stone
When many times we feel alone.
We are alone. The choice is ours
To offer a flower, a kiss, a smile
Is but the simple answer, for awhile
We search our minds in depth
We should find life a simple test.
When realization of the truth
Presents itself in all its youth
To all in age who still ask why
Just smile and love but do not cry

The truth for me does not agree
With other people using me
With a freedom that they think is free
Checkmate will only find success
When pawns themselves don't fall from grace
When honesty comes face to face
With truth and not commodity.
To use another's soul for gain
Misunderstanding all in vain
For those who use another's brain
To lift themselves with words profane
Cynics born to eat the words
Of men who falter not with words

~~~

The days go by so slowly my mind held in suspense
Why must this be when I can see the feeling so intense?
The future holds the magic of my thoughts these passing days
The planning actions of my mind just wither in the haze
Time is wasted longing for the bud to flower and bloom
Waiting, hoping, anticipating what might be happening soon
Possibility is just a game played in fantasy throughout
Why must this be withheld within. What is it all about?
If only I could touch the flower and feel it's beauty in my strife
I could be at ease and aim to please of my life

~~~
Voices flit like shadows down the passage of my mind
They grow and fade in volume as the passing of the days
Bring memories of sunshine's timeless rays
Times of childhood beckon calling me through days and years
Of happiness and loneliness mingled with the tears