Life With a Beatle

"Well, John's married to a non-celebrity, so there you go."

Paul McCartney, 1964

"You can't just erase so many years of living together or the memories."

Cynthia, 1990

John, Julian, and Cynthia at home on the dining room’s floor in Kenwood, Spring of 1965.

Photographed by Henry Grossman

When Cynthia became John's wife, she must have known right from the start that John wouldn't be home often. John started to "tour" outside of Liverpool since around 1959, 1960 - still early on in his relationship with Cynthia. Understandably, Cynthia got it, but it wasn't an easy thing. She wasn't alone: Julian, her mother, housekeeper Dot, Maureen, Pattie, family members, friends, the lot. But they weren't John. But, like their parents before, both fathers Alfred and Charles were part of the merchant sea men, they were gone a lot... (it destroyed Alfred's marriage to Julia yet for Charles he returned home to Lillian and became a commercial salesman... Cynthia had her dad, John did not) and I suppose that's what it felt like for Cynthia: if her mother could live through that than so can Cynthia! In this blog entry, we're going to take a look into life with a Beatle during the touring years of 1964-1966, as well as 1967, on what their relationship was like. 

According to The Beatles press officer Tony Barrow, when he and John drank Scotch at the Speakeasy Club, John mellowed away his Beatle persona and revealed the husband/father side of himself: discussing his deep love for Cynthia, needing her support, and his shame for missing out the majority of Julian's childhood. This showed Tony how normal John's instincts over his family were, how caring he was, and he did care what Cynthia thought or said. Yet despite this, Tony still believed that John and Cynthia were never made to last... Well, he was right as they didn't last. 

"Well, she's beautiful, you know, and what people don't know is how smart she is. No matter what's happening, you know, she's always there for me."

John, 1964

"In two years I went from a bedsit in Liverpool to a mansion in Surrey with gardeners and chauffeurs and a housekeeping allowance of £50 a week. It was enough to blow anybody's mind."

Cynthia, 2000

Overall, their relationship was a good relationship, John and Cynthia were happy at this point. Everything was new and exciting, meeting celebrities, getting to go to exclusive parties, eating luxurious food, riding in a Rolls Royce, and living in a mansion. For John, he definitely saw himself as the breadwinner, going on tours, and risking his life by getting pulled in all sorts of directions - physically and mentally. 

"He'd go from one thing to another, from his notepad to the piano, and then he'd listen to music, gawp at television, and read newspapers. He was basically dropping out from what was happening, thinking about things, and resting. Everything he was doing outside the home was pretty high-powered."

Cynthia, 1987

John, Julian, and Cynthia at home on the dining room’s floor in Kenwood, Spring of 1965.

Photographed by Henry Grossman

By 1966, The Beatles were tired of it. Screaming fans wore off the excitement, the press questions were ridiculous and repetitive, there were also serious talks with the Vietnam war and segregated protests. The sound system to perform sucked, technology isn't is then as it is today with special effects and tape loops to help along the live music... The Beatles couldn't perform anything from Revolver then as they could now. The fun wore out. They wanted to be home and in the studio. 

I am getting a little ahead of myself here. By now, after A Hard Day's Night, John's marriage was now well known, Julian now publicly existed, they settled into Kenwood, and can be an abnormal yet happy family. There were problems - mostly John being out of date on the things going on, particularly Julian. John would leave a baby who couldn't roll over and then arrive home to a toddler that can run around independently. I'm sure that was a bit troubling and had to adjust quickly. I'm sure John felt pangs of sadness that he wasn't able to see Julian's milestones himself (like first steps, first day of school). 

"It was hard for him to come to terms with what was going on at home."

Cynthia, 1999

"As John said, 'Life what happens to you when you're busy making other plans'. The years that followed were so intense that whatever was around the Beatles had to be just totally supportive of them. It didn't bother me, I was very happy to be in the background. I was never one for the limelight, although life changed that for me. John wasn't difficult to live with through it all. We got on like a house on fire. There were inevitable stresses because he was so tired and pressured by all the work that was being done."

Cynthia, 1995

"We had no problems at home. We were two people living in the best way we could under the circumstances. We really didn't have a cross word."

Cynthia

"As far as our marriage was concerned, we got on great. It wasn't the greatest whizzo-active relationship, and once he became a Beatle we didn't go out much and see the sights as husband and wife. But we had holidays with other Beatles and we were strong as a unit in that home."

Cynthia

"I suppose I could have but even when I was living in the mansion in Weybridge, I never blew my money. Sheets and shoes were my only luxury. John and I both came from comfortable homes but he never knew the love and support that there was in my family. So when the whole Beatles thing happened I kept my feet on the ground while he went off on some kind of lunar trajectory."

Cynthia, 2000

"During my first travels with the Beatles in 1964, John was eager to talk about his familyof three. When the subject turned to Cynthia, his eyes, always mysterious and rarely revealing of his mood, would sparkle and dance."

Larry Kane, Journalist 

"It was never an easy marriage... During their time together, I often visited them at Kenwood, John's luxurious house in Weybridge, and it was a much more equal relationship than it is portrayed in any numerous biographies. Certainly, Cynthia liked her sleep and used to go to bed early, which left John to go off into London and behaved like any self-respecting rock star would. But Cynthia was nothing like the clinging wifey that people who have never met the couple seem to imagine. And John was nothing like the rakish, thoughtless, faithless husband."

Alistair Taylor

Q: Do you trust anybody implicitly? (Interview, September 1966)

"Only the other three, and my wife." John 

"As far as I can tell you, we were all friends, we were a group, we were friends and they were playing music together, and happily as far as I know. As with any other sort of relationship, they had their ups and downs. They were only kids. They were just close friends. I can’t say brothers, no. I wouldn’t say that, but very good friends with the same thing in common: music."

Cynthia, 1982

John, Julian, and Cynthia at home on the dining room’s floor in Kenwood, Spring of 1965.

Photographed by Henry Grossman

 By 1966, things were drastically changing. John was getting deeper into drugs, mostly LSD and marijuana. Cynthia didn't do drugs and their relationship started to drift. After The Beatles stopped touring, instead of getting closer, they actually drifted apart. In 1967, Hunter Davies spent some time with them while writing his authorized biography on The Beatles (published in 1968, after John and Cynthia got divorced): on one particular evening, two salesmen came to the door and had an exchange with John while Cynthia made dinner (a slice of melon, cold meat, mash potatoes, and cauliflower). Dinner was served at 6:30. John decided to be a vegetarian and didn't eat the meat. They drank milk (to which Cynthia confirmed that was their dinner beverage). John was having a problem with his tooth, a filling was coming out. When John decided to get a helping of milk from the refrigerator, he drank from the bottle to which Cynthia thought it wouldn't be good for his tooth... I'm wondering if that's the same tooth John pulled out and gave it to their housekeeper, Dot? The tooth went up for auction after her death in 2014, and a dentist bought it. While eating, they watched television with John or Cynthia getting up to change the channel (before the remote control) as they never seem to agree on any programs for more than 10 minutes. After dinner, John continued to stare abstracted while Cynthia read the Daily Mirror and Julian started to draw. Julian would chatter away and narrated whatever he was drawing while John and Cynthia smiled at him. Then Cynthia cleared up dinner, John and Julian went outside for some fresh air. John sat on a step by the pool while Julian threw some oars in and took them out of the pool before going back in the house. Terry Doran arrived, Julian sat on his knee. It was his bedtime, so Cynthia jokingly asked if Julian wanted either Terry or John to put him to bed. Julian picked Terry but Cynthia ended up putting him to bed. Meanwhile, John and Terry shared a joint. Cynthia returned and they watched television until midnight when Cynthia made hot cocoa. Terry left, John and Cynthia went up to bed; John wanted to read this book someone gave them that Cynthia wanted to read first. That was the average evening route of the Lennon family. Cynthia did noticed a change in John: more nicer, quieter, more tolerant, but still doesn't communicate much. Because he wasn't touring anymore in 1967, John tried to get up more earlier than 2 or 3 in the afternoon. Out of the Beatles, I think John was the most laziest and being a homebody - to which I can relate... maybe it's a Libra thing? Sure, we can go to work, travel, etc. but overall staying at home, puttering around, and not being too social the day away is the typical way to live. 

"Perhaps I'm being selfish. It's just easier for me if he tells me things."

Cynthia, 1968

"I don't have to go anywhere now, perhaps a club now and again. Cyn cons me into it. We went to some opening night, some old friend. David Jacobs was everywhere. I went with George. He realized what was going to be like the minute we got to the door but I didn't. I looked round and he'd gone. He never even went inside. But I was in and was stuck. It was horrible."

John, 1968

It was hard to go out now that John was famous and can get recognized. The place, like a movie theater or a shopping department store, would have to be notified in advance so they could empty out or after hours of closing time to let The Beatles shop in peace. 

"But we can't do a simple thing together as a family, like going for a walk. It's terrible. Sometimes I wish it had never all happened."

Cynthia, 1968

Another thing that's been going on was John's habit of zoning out, especially when he watched television. Cynthia would talk to him, but he wouldn't respond. Some commentators would say that he was ignoring her, yet Cynthia didn't mind. George also had the same habit: Pattie would talk to him while George's mind would be zoning elsewhere. Both women chalked it up to song creativity.

"Sometimes I would start to talk and he'd [George] be so deep in thought about the lyrics or the melody he was writing that he was writing that he wouldn't answer. We'd be in the same room but he wasn't really with me: he was in his head. Most of the time I didn't mind. I'd think, Oh, good, he's writing a new song - he was always happiest when he was being creative."

Pattie Boyd, from her book Wonderful Tonight: George Harrison, Eric Clapton, and Me, 2007

"When John wasn't working he lay on the sofa, apparently watching the TV - which he liked to keep permanently switched on - but often a million miles away, lost in a daydream. I'd talk to him and he wouldn't hear me. This was nothing new: he had always been able to 'tune out' his surroundings and the busier his life became the more often he was 'present but absent'. I didn't mind: it was his way of coping with the stresses of his life, and these 'absent' moments were a vital part of the creative process. After an hour or two he'd often get up, go to the piano and start writing a song."

Cynthia, from her book John, 2005

"If I am on my own for three days, doing nothing, I almost leave myself completely. I'm just not here. Cynthia doesn't realize it. I'm up there watching myself, or I'm at the back of my head. I can see my hands and realize they're moving, but it's a robot who's doing it."

John, 1968

Here's a conversation John had with Tony Barrow, year unknown:

"Should we have waited, do you reckon? If Cyn hadn't been pregnant, would I have married her? If the Beatles get really big, maybe I could have a Hollywood film star for a wife!" John

Q: I think one famous person in the family was enough

"We can always have a film star or two as well, can't we? I'd hate to come home to an empty place. I couldn't live on my own" John

Q: You know, you love your own company. Even Cyn says you can go for days without speaking to her. She feels a million miles away from you.

"Ah, but she's not, is she? She's in the kitchen putting the kettle on." John

Cynthia and John at the the launch of The Beatles' Apple Boutique at Baker Street in London, England on December 5, 1967

"She was a really nice girl. I lived just down the road from John and Cynthia in Weybridge. We’d take the kids out — their son Julian, and Zak my eldest. Everyone thinks we were in this cage, but we would live semi-normal lives. If the locals know you, it’s okay. We’d have bonfire night. John would have Julian on his lap and I’d have Zak. Cynthia was a caretaker in many ways. If you were crazy she’d say, ‘Come and sit over here,’ and she’d talk you down.”

Ringo Starr, 2015

"He was definitely on a different planet during the making of Sgt. Pepper. Although for a time the drugs were part of it... I think the drugs destroyed a lot of his creativity."

Cynthia

"Creatively, it’s very difficult to say. I think drugs were an escape at the time. And that’s my view, and they were still – no matter what they did, as far as drugs were concerned, I think they were creative in themselves. So the creativity would still be there. It might be heightened or lessened – but they were still very creative."

Cynthia, 1982

*That’s true. That’s true, because they evolved together from such an early age and they went through so much together, that I think it would be impossible. It was impossible, really."

Cynthia, 1982

"I think those years were our growing years, growing into individuals. And John's path was a different path to mine."

Cynthia, 1995

"Of course there were terrible moments but my life has been fascinating. I lived through a crazy, chaotic and unique part of history and I have a beautiful son because of my marriage to John Lennon."

Cynthia, 1980

"Cynthia was also out a good deal, especially in the evenings, and I soon noticed with surprise how very little time she and John spent in each other's company. In fact such was the irregularity of their respective comings and goings that they had agreed that whoever came home last would sleep in the guest room so as not to disturb the other. The master bedroom, which they normally shared, was actually a vast room on the first floor housing a massive eight-foot double bed and a sunken bath at the far end, and it was here that John loved to lie in till late in the morning. I observed very few dialogues between John and Cynthia, and the only conversation which struck me as significant took place in the study when they were sharing a drink with Freddie and myself from the 'globe' cocktail cabinet. John, spawled out unceremoniously across one of the plush velvet armchairs, was clearly in one of his uncompromising moods. And when the discussion turned to diet, he announced bluntly to Cynthia 'You're getting pretty fat, aren't you?' The tone of the comment was far from jocular, and the recriminating glance which Cynthia threw back at him confirmed to Freddie and myself that things were far from good between them. But in spite of the isolation Cynthia seemed contented and her daily routine was well organized. She was still meditating- a legacy from the Maharishi- and claimed that it was only by meditation that she was able to withstand the pressures she inevitably faced as the wife of a superstar. It certainly must have worked for her as she was always a very calm and serene woman."

Pauline Lennon Stone, Alfred's widow

"Yoko had 10 years and I had 10 years and I would rather have had the 10 years I had than the ones she did. I had the raw talent and the raw human being, before the sycophants arrived."

Cynthia, 2000

“I knew the man up until our divorce – after that I didn’t know the man, but it didn’t stop me caring about him and worrying because of the complete change that I saw in him. He’d lost his sense of humour and he got aggressive; he wasn’t for the world any more, he was just for Yoko. Before that he opened his arms and embraced the world with his wit and humour – afterwards he was a completely different kind of person.”

Cynthia, 2005