“He used to tell me how he and Cyn planned to settle down and raise a family as soon as the Beatles began to pay off, and how much he missed being without her.”
Pete Best
Cynthia visiting John in Bournemouth during The Beatles tour on August 22, 1963, one day before their first anniversary
1962 was quite a year for John. The Beatles already enlisted Brian Epstein as their manager, he lost his best friend Stuart, got a record deal, The Beatles changed drummers (Pete out, Ringo Starr in), and Cynthia got pregnant over the Summer.
Sometime in July, John returned home from Hamburg and had a regular gig at the Cavern- things were going well for John. Cynthia was still in art college, training as an art teacher, and worked part-time at Woolworth's. But she wasn't doing great financially; her grant money ran out and she needed assistance (welfare). The night before Cynthia was to go for her final exams early in the morning, John came over and, well, they conceived a baby that night! The next morning, Cynthia dragged herself to take her exams. Ironically, the day the results of her exams came in (she failed), Cynthia discovered she was pregnant. She noticed that her period wasn't coming and had morning sickness. Her best friend Phyllis Mackenzie came over for support and arranged Cynthia to see her Doctor. After being examined, the Doctor confirmed the pregnancy and gave Cynthia a stern disapproving lecture… Personally, I don't think it was the Doctor's place to lecture Cynthia like that. It may have been looked down upon to be single and pregnant, but it wasn't any of her business to do that. Her job was to test Cynthia's blood, urine, examine her body, and give the results.
“I finished the course and almost immediately discovered I was pregnant. I said to John, 'You don't have to marry me just because of this.’ John has said quite a few times in interviews that he had to get married, but that isn't true. I gave him the choice, and that isn't widely known. He chose to marry me. If he hadn't, I’d have coped. I’d have had the child and kept it. I’d never have considered adoption. I had no idea then what was in the offing. His career was just beginning in a small way.”
Cynthia, 1976
Before Cynthia told John, she was scared to tell him. She didn't know how he would react and Cynthia didn't want to believe it either. Other than the morning sickness, she didn't feel pregnant, her clothes still fit at that point. Babies were not in Cynthia's mind at all; her knowledge on babies and children were next to zero and figured she would have them later after career and marriage- perhaps after 25 years old, 30 may have been better suited. Not 22, 23 years old. John and Cynthia never used protection, there were no condoms, birth control pills, and other kinds- if there were in existence, then it may have been really expensive and still in experiment testing. They didn't think that pregnancy would ever happen to them. Ignorance was bliss. I know later John would blame Cynthia for getting pregnant, according to Fred Seaman, his personal assistant, making it all her fault to trap him into marriage. Well, guess what, John? It takes two to make a baby and you are 50% of the blame. And I am very sure that Cynthia didn't plan on getting pregnant. It could be John's Macho attitude, drugs alternating his memory or selective, and of course, Yoko. But let's set this aside for another post down in the future for discussion- let's focus on what was happening in 1962. Although John and Cynthia knew how babies were made and were both taught that if boy gets girl pregnant, they get married. Cynthia gave John an option to not marry her, to go off and not be involved while she would face the consequences of being outcasted.
“I became pregnant because nobody told me how you did it, or rather what you did about it.”
Cynthia, 1999
“I was 22 and John was 21 when we got married. I was pregnant at the time. I didn't know anything about birth control. Neither of us were thinking about the consequences. When we found out, we just said, 'Oh my God, what are we going to do?’ If he’d said at that point he wasn't ready for marriage, I would have accepted that. I wasn't out to trap him. I mean, it ruined my career at college- I was taking my NDD, my teacher's diploma. His career started and mine finished. If I hadn't met John and got married, I would have been an art school teacher or gone into the commercial art world.”
Cynthia, 1988
“I didn't know if John would want to get married. I didn't want to tie him down.”
Cynthia, 1968
“I was a bit shocked when she told me. But I said, ‘Yes, we’ll have to get married.’ I didn't fight it. I went in the day before to tell Mimi. I said Cyn was having a baby, we were getting married tomorrow, did she want to come? She just let out a groan.”
John, 1968
Hmm not really… John probably condensed it and made it sound 'whatever’ innocent than to what actually happened. We now know by a few accounts (Cynthia, Julia, maybe one or two other) that Mimi knew longer than less than 24 hours of the wedding. Not sure how long though. In Ray Coleman's Lennon book, John told Mimi the same day Cynthia told him. Needless to say, Mimi did not take the news well. According to what John told Cynthia, she threw things at him, yelling and so forth. Mimi decided to boycott the wedding and… whoa I am jumping ahead of myself! Let's take a few steps back on the moment Cynthia told John that he is going to become a Daddy. The many times Cynthia recounted the story, she was crying while sharing the news and his face turned white. Inside his mind, John was panicking but reassured her not to worry: they will get married. John didn't demand abortion, I don't think it occurred to him. In those days, abortion was dangerous and rare. Although I do wonder what he thought when Cynthia told him that they didn't have to marry and he can break up with her? But one thing for sure, I have to admit, it was a bad time. He did have the option to walk away, yet later on, John made it sound like he HAD to, like an obligation or someone holding a gun to his head (bad metaphor, I know). Maybe he wanted it to sound like he was cornered? As I mentioned earlier, according to Fred Seaman, John detested Cynthia as he felt she purposely got pregnant; there were no drink (despite John saying Julian was a product of the whiskey Saturday night- get into that insensitive comment later in another post), no drugs, no plan, no seduction, no influence, no rape. But that wasn't the bad timing, that happened later during the Yoko years. It was bad timing because John was at the verge of becoming the biggest thing since Elvis Presley and sliced bread and Cynthia was so close of finishing college and start full time on her career. John told Brian the news, he was supportive enough to arrange the wedding but I don't think Brian was thrilled. Brian felt that a married Beatle for teenage girls to swoon over was bad for the image. The wedding and marriage would have to be kept secret. We’ll get more into that in another post (tired of me saying that? So much to get into, so many layers of their story!). Around that time, Cynthia's mother Lillian came to England for a visit. Cynthia was scared to tell her mother and waited until the night before she left to let her know that she will be a Grandmother. She figured she didn't want to ruin her mother's visit. However, Lillian turned out to be supportive as these things do happen. Lillian thought of cancelling her ticket but Cynthia told her not to: Lillian save a long time for her ticket and she can save for another ticket to see her first grandchild. The next day after Lillian's departure was the day Cynthia became Mrs. Lennon. As mentioned a little while ago, Mimi was not thrilled. She encouraged the family not to attend his wedding (or else you will receive Mimi's wrath) and enlisted her sister Nanny to persuade John not to marry Cynthia. Mimi (and Nanny) thought Cynthia could move to Canada to be with her mother and have the baby there- out of sight, out of mind. But John wouldn't have any of that.
“I do remember John being told he didn't have to marry Cynthia, who’d become pregnant. So here another family baby was being called into question. If John had shown any doubt, I think the family might well have closed ranks around him. But John’s certain reply was, 'I’m going to marry her. I want to marry Cynthia.’ Of course, he did- she was beautiful, they both had with and, as artists, shared a common creative talent. But marriage, I think, was not thought quite the image for a group idolized by teenagers and, on Brian Epstein's instructions, it was therefore kept very low key. Jackie and I weren't allowed to go to the wedding, though we knew about it.”
Julia Baird
An early acceptance of Mimi's attitude towards the pending wedding was that she gave John the money to buy Cynthia a wedding ring. He took Cynthia to a jewelry store where she picked a ring she wanted.
There's a story that Mimi told relatives, it's in Ray Coleman's book Lennon as well, that John sat down and cried, confessing that he didn't want to get married the night before the big day. Reality must have hit him hard. It is a big step, no question. After he found out about the pregnancy until his breakdown moment, John presented a supportive, encouraging, and determined to get married front in Cynthia's company. They would joke about being elderly married couple. But to others, John told them he had to to protect Cynthia and the baby. I can't really blame him for his insecurities and views about marriage and family. His family history did not have the greatest track record, John's music career was starting to get hot and on demand, I am also sure that Stuart's death was still heavily on his mind. Plus, he was 21 years old. When I was 21, I knew full well that I wasn't ready to marry and settle down, become a parent, despite I had nowhere near what John and Cynthia were going through. I can only understand the mindset of a 21 year old. If John was being insecure, unsure, scared, denial, not ready, I can understand it. He was probably giving a reason to go through with the wedding and be a Macho man. I do genuinely believe John was in love with Cynthia, he did want to marry her and have children. But not in 1962. Maybe 1964, 1965. To be fair, I am certain Cynthia had her own doubts, especially with motherhood and being a secret wife. She would have to make more sacrifices than John, in my opinion. She had to give up any kind of career in the art world and have her life woven into with John's life and her baby. It's a lot to take in.
“He talked about Cynthia ‘expecting’ and- while I don't remember exactly what he said- I get the clear sense he wasn't happy about becoming a father. I also got the impression he loved Cynthia very much.”
Linda Ness, a friend of John's
“I thought it would be goodbye to the group, getting married. None of us ever took girls to the Cavern, as we thought we would lose fans- which turned out to be farced in the end. But I did feel embarrassed, talking about being married. It was like walking about with odd socks on or your fly open.”
John, 1965
Now while you think 'How dare John to say that!’, just also know that Cynthia completely knew what he meant and agreed with him.
John, why do you have to get married? (Fan question, 1964)
“Because same reason why anybody would get married, you know? Don't be slushy-like, but you do it if you wanna get married, but you gotta go, you gotta go. As I always say.”
Whatever reservations John may have had, he went through with it. He was taking a big risk with his career and he knew it. John also may have not want to repeat the cycle of what his own father did- especially before the baby was born.
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