Secret Newlyweds

“Brian had an obsession about not letting the marriage become public. At a very early stage of my involvement, John mentioned that he was married and Brian went berserk about it to me. He said, 'I don't know why he's told you that. Yes, of course it's true, but he's told awfully few people and I want you to make quite sure you don't tell anybody else.”

Tony Barrow

The Beatles performing at the Cavern Club in Liverpool on August 22, 1962. In less than 24 hours, John would become a married man.

At first, John went along with Brian's plan to keep his marriage and pending fatherhood a secret. But at some point John became frustrated and wanted his marriage known. He figured that his marriage was going to come out anyway and believed it wouldn't make no difference to the Beatles’ growing popularity. Cynthia knew nothing about John's battle with Brian over their marriage.

“He kept so many things from me, bad and good. I only heard much later that Brian wanted me kept quiet.”

Cynthia, 1985

While John was away, Cynthia busied herself washing and drying his clothes,went to check-ups for the baby, and mind their home. Cynthia became John's much-needed stability rock.

“Cynthia was beautiful, physically and on the inside. Although he was apt to find love on the road, she was totally dedicated to his success, and I might add, extremely influential. He was insecure and Cynthia was there to pump him up to buttress, sort of, his weak side. She was a wonderful mother who loved John deeply.”

Tony Bramwell

“After rehearsals or a gig, we would go to a bar in the West End. We would drink and talk. It would be late at night, but Cynthia was always waiting for him, always there to embrace him. She was sweetly sensitive, and I do believe most people have no idea what a central figure she was in terms of keeping him somewhat stable during that hard phase when no one knew if the boys were a passing fad or the real thing. I mean, John was the leader, but he was also scared all the time. People forget what a rock she was for him.”

Tony Barrow

Paul, John, Cavern Club owner Ray McFall, and Cynthia at the Cavern Club in October of 1962

Photographed by Mike McCartney

“As far as Brian was concerned any news item that mentioned their marriage and/or their offspring would be damaging to the image of the Beatles. I thought this was preposterous stance to take. His fear was that young females would fall out of love with John if they found out that he was a married man. My view was that in the swinging '60's an increasing number of teenage fans would find John all the more interesting when they knew he had a wife. Here was an additional challenge of the forbidden fruit variety!”

Tony Barrow

“She was so scared. She wanted to marry John- very definitely- it just wasn't the right time. She realized they weren't ready for it, but there was no other solution.”

Dot Rhone

Cynthia did glamorize her early months of marriage to John. I am sure and positivity think that she was probably more focused on the good. Whenever John returned home, he would bring some things for their new home; his first present for his wife was a beaten copper coffee table for their living room. Although it wasn't exactly in Cynthia's taste, she was touched by the thought and was swept away by his enthusiasm. However, according to Dot, there were problems. Maybe it was pressure from Brian; losing more and more free time and becoming more busier, tours, recording and writing songs, newfound fame and seeing his name in the local papers, having women throwing themselves at him, and then John would come home after being looked at as an idol to a pregnant wife holding the trash bag for him to take out.

“There were a lot of fights. He would drink an awful lot- just get drunk and mean. And then he’d say such awful things to Cyn. He was so moody. One moment he could be so funny and wonderful, and the next so damn cruel.”

Dot Rhone

A scared three months pregnant Cynthia and a protective John trying to barricade themselves from two drunken men looking for a woman.

Artwork by Cynthia

"This is in Brian Epstein's flat in Liverpool. John and had just got married- I was three months pregnant. John was panicking, he wasn't brave. I nearly had a miscarriage afterwards."

Cynthia, 1999

About three months into her pregnancy, Cynthia woke up to discover blood. With her brother Tony's help, she rushed to the Doctor. Cynthia was told to stay in bed for three days to avoid a miscarriage. Too scared to go across the apartment for the bathroom, she set a kettle for tea and a bucket for bathroom needs besides the bed (I hope she didn't poop!). John would call in but Cynthia didn't tell him until he came home well after her three bedridden days were gone. He told her she should've told him but she felt that John had enough on his shoulders. The threatened miscarriage happened after a scare John and Cynthia had in their apartment: Two drunken men came knocking, looking for a woman named Carol. John tried sending them off but the men didn't believe him and started violently pounded on the door. It wasn't until Cynthia yelled that her name wasn't Carol and that she was 3 months pregnant. The men left and the newlyweds had trouble going to sleep that night and we're quite shaken. John and Cynthia’s first apartment wasn't in the best side of town during the time period. Sadly, in 2017, a man murdered his wife and their two children in the same apartment.
When John came back home for a few days, Cynthia suggested that they should visit Mimi. Although Cynthia wasn't exactly Mimi's number 1 fan, she didn't like animosity in families and knew that both Aunt and nephew missed each other. John was incredibly hurt by Mimi's attitude towards his marriage and fatherhood; the three months have been the longest Mimi and John haven't seen or spoken to one another since his wedding. John was hesitant but agreed. Both traveled by bus, probably the last time John and Cynthia rode on the bus together as John was becoming more and more recognizable. Both were more prepared for having the door slammed in their faces but to their surprise, Mimi greeted them with an open door, hugs, and kisses and instantly started on a home cooked meal. Cynthia was now visibly pregnant and Mimi asked how she was doing. They filled her in on the almost miscarriage and how Cynthia was alone most of the time. During a fresh air break in the garden, Mimi offered John and Cynthia to move in with her. Cynthia was not too thrilled with the idea but couldn't argue against it either because she wouldn't be alone and scared.

Do You Want to Know a Secret? 1963 (recorded in 1962)
You'll never know how much I really love you
You'll never know how much I really care
Listen do you want to know a secret
Do you promise not to tell woh woh woh closer

Let me whisper in your ear
Say the words you long to hear
I'm in love with you
I've known the secret for a week or two
Nobody knows just we two
Listen do you want to know a secret
Do you promise not to tell woh woh woh closer
Let me whisper in your ear
Say the words you long to hear
I'm in love with you

“I was in the first apartment I’d ever had that wasn't shared with 14 other students- gals and guys at art school. I’d just married Cyn, and Brian Epstein gave us his secret little apartment that he kept in Liverpool for his sexual liaisons separate from his home life. And he let Cyn and I have that apartment.”

John, 1980

Ask Me Why 1963 (recorded in 1962)
I love you, 'cause you tell me things I want to know.
And it's true that it really only goes to show,
That I know,
That I, I, I, I should never, never, never be blue.
Now you're mine, my happiness still makes me cry.
And in time, you'll understand the reason why,
If I cry,
It's not because I'm sad, but you're the only love that I've ever had.
I can't believe it's happened to me
I can't conceive of any more misery.
Ask me why, I'll say I love you,
And I'm always thinking of you.
I love you, 'cause you tell me things I want to know.
And it's true that it really only goes to show,
That I know,
That I, I, I, I should never, never, never be blue.
Ask me why, I'll say I love you,
And I'm always thinking of you.
I can't believe it's happened to me.
I can't conceive of any more misery.
Ask me why, I'll say I love you,
And I'm always thinking of you.