The Birth of The Beatles

 Publicity still photo of Stephen as John and Wendy as Cynthia in 1979's television movie, The Birth of The Beatles

1979; television movie

John… Stephen MacKenna 

Cynthia… Wendy Morgan

Based the early years of The Beatles on getting together, going to Hamburg, up until The Beatles going to America in 1964. I admit it's been a long while since I've seen the movie. It did re-air at one point in the 1990s when I was able to watch and record it on VHS. It wasn't bad, and I thought the portrayal of Cynthia was minimal yet fair. The movie was nice to their relationship.

Cynthia appears less than five minutes in the beginning of the movie, sitting in a sketching class with John at Liverpool College of Art. Paul and George comes crawling in, trying to get John's attention. Cynthia wasn't impressed, but John quickly sketched before leaving, giving Cynthia a kiss. 

John and Cynthia were walking outside of Strawberry Fields talking about John going to Hamburg and being apart. Despite being worried, Cynthia knows that The Beatles wouldn't be going anywhere if they just stayed in Liverpool. Cynthia wrapped John's head with her scarf to pull him in for a kiss.

There is a scene where Stuart finds John in his room in Hamburg, writing to Cynthia. Stuart told John he was leaving The Beatles.

Paul, George, and John were at Cynthia's apartment in Liverpool when Brian Epstein arrived with the news that they got a record deal with George Martin. Brian mentioned to tell Pete Best, but John, George, and Paul said no, they'd tell him. After Brian left, John, George, and Paul were in agreement (Pete's out, Ringo Starr is in).

After Ringo's first performance with The Beatles, they we're backstage with Cynthia, celebrating. But Cynthia's mind was elsewhere and John knew something was wrong.

Later on, John and Cynthia were alone, sitting. Cynthia was crying, telling John she went to the Doctor's the other day. She's pregnant. John asked if she was sure and was shocked. He told her they will have to get married. Their kids will have a proper home, a mother and father unlike him. John started comforting Cynthia, they hugged and kissed.

Paul, George, and Ringo greeted John coming in the recording studio after he had gotten married with a wedding march and a little ribbing on marriage. John had bought along fish and chips. 

After a concert, The Beatles held a party in a hotel room. John's Aunt Mimi and and was appalled by what she saw. After she left, John had second thoughts on celebrating while everyone started to watch television. John turned it off and demanded everyone to leave, much to everyone's shock. Cynthia tried to calm him but no use, he went alone to his room. Brian went to check on John.

Visiting Mimi

At some point in 1967, John and Cynthia went to visit John's Aunt Mimi and, I'm guessing, went to visit Mimi's friends. These photos were taken at Salterns Way, Lilliput, Sandbanks, which is about 15 minutes away from Mimi's home in Poole. In between John and Cynthia is the friend and probably former neighbor of Mimi's. The man on the far right is (probably) Peter Sandeman and his fiance is the woman on the far left side.

I wish there was more information, yet it's nice to see John and Cynthia out and about, visiting friends, especially during the time when their marriage was starting to be troubled. 

What's It All About, Alfie

Cynthia and John at the premiere of Alfie at Plaza Haymarket Theatre in London on March 24, 1966. 

Behold! A rare picture! I knew one day another picture from the premiere would surface... Maybe more will come! Fingers crossed.

Volume Two: John and Julian 1973-1980

John and Julian on a plane

Photographed by May Pang

"It'll take a week before we'll be able to touch and another week before we're relaxed enough to hug."

John (private conversation with a friend)

The last we left off on John and Julian's relationship was Yoko telling Cynthia that they will talk about Julian while John and Tony will talk about Kyoko. That plan failed miserably (rightfully so) on both sides. John left England for good on August 31, 1971, settling in New York while Yoko was fighting custody for Kyoko. He didn't tell Cynthia. To be fair to John, I don't think he thought it would be permanent. John and Yoko didn't take any furniture with them, just an average suitcase to live in until realizing they were building a home life. However, at that point, John grew unsatisfied with England. The fans, press, friends, family, well... it felt like it was England versus JohnandYoko. From August of 1971 until John and Yoko were separated in late 1973, Julian did not hear from his father. No letters, postcards, a phone call... nothing. Only robotic holiday cards for birthday and Christmas done by Apple Corps. It's widely believed that Yoko and John decided that as long as Yoko couldn't see Kyoko, it's only fair that John shouldn't see Julian. It's no secret that Yoko demanded equality on John, who was usually the dominant figure. The last time John and Yoko saw Kyoko was in Baleares Islands, Spain on April 23, 1971 during a court custody battle; the battle was getting so bad that a judge asked Kyoko who SHE wanted to be with. Kyoko picked her father and they rode off to the sunset; Kyoko and Yoko eventually reunited in the 1990s. I know Yoko gets most of the blame for this, and I certainly not in a disagreement. Yet, there were other faults: I do blame Tony for not seeing to terms on the custody agreement. While I do understand why: Tony and Kyoko were close as Julian and Cynthia were. Tony loves his daughter, and he felt he was getting bullied into the corner by John and Yoko- who had the money and the means to make his life a living hell if he didn't comply to their demands. I can't be angry at Tony for feeling that way as I could only imagine being in his shoes with the idea that there's a positive chance he wouldn't be with Kyoko as much as he was. However, I can't overlook his part of responsibility in this downfall on John's relationship with Julian. Another fault: John. I don't feel I need to stress out the reasons why as they're already been pointed out on this blog here and there. Besides, you pretty much know why. 

“It was hard for John to give space to a child, because he was more involved in growing up himself. His need for love and attention was very large. I was concerned about it but I felt that John needed a couple more years to come to terms with the relationship. He didn’t know how to deal with it.”

Yoko, 1985

"I took Julian out to reunite him with his father. Their relationship was very good after that. But for four years there was no contact, which I found terribly sad."

Cynthia, 1995

Anyway, it's some time in late 1973. John was now living with May Pang, their assistant, and who Yoko assigned to be John's companion. Now, I promise I will dive deeper into these visits in their own posts as I have so much ground to cover already as it is. 

"I think I sensed the distance later on, not necessary at that age because I wasn't really aware of how a father supposed to be in the first place. But it was more towards the later years when I was I think around 14. I remember being in the house that Dad rented in Montauk and it was one of the first trips I made over to America, so it was very exciting. I used to laugh a lot in those days. I had this really, really annoying laugh. I remember being shouted out a number of times for laughing too much. That was scary, in fact. I got a bit worried but it calmed down after that."

Julian

Ah, yes, the laughing incident that scared Julian for life. But that happened later, around 1977, 1978. The family (Yoko and Sean, too) were making pancakes,having a grand time... Julian laughed. John abruptly shouted at Julian, telling him he had a horrible laugh. When Julian returned home to Cynthia, she noticed he wouldn't laugh along a humorous program and found out what John did. To this day, Julian seldom laughs. Definitely not one of John's father knows best moments. Even Yoko was shocked by that eruption.

John and Julian relaxing by the pool while in Palm Springs, Florida, December of 1974.  

Photographed by Bob Davidoff

"Seeing him is good. What we do is irrelevant. I went through a period of, 'What are we gonna do?' and all that crap. It doesn't really matter. As long as he's around, 'cause I don't see him that often." 

John, 1975

"During the drive Julian alternated between shyness and ease with his father. He said to John, 'I can't believe I can talk to you whenever I want to now.' John was puzzled. 'Do you remember in England when I used to come visit you? I was allowed to speak to you only once or twice a day. Otherwise I couldn't speak to you at all,' Julian told him."

May Pang, 1983 from her book Loving John

You'd think that would really strike a nerve on John, especially when he got back with Yoko by February of 1975. Anyway, after the first reunion visit, John and May took Cynthia and Julian to the airport.

"When we returned to the car, John leaned back and breathed a long sigh of relief. 'You've got to make me a promise,' I said on the way home. 'What is it?' 'I want you to call Julian once a week. It would be terrible for him after this time with you if you disappointed him by disappearing again. You're a real person to him now and you've got to keep in touch.' John hemmed and hawed. Then he said, 'It is the right thing to do. I promise you, Fung Yee.' He was silent for a while, then John said suddenly, 'I really would like to keep in touch with me son.'"

May Pang, 1983 from her book Loving John

"I think the silliest and most fun time was probably- and I would say, no disrespect to Yoko- was when he was with May, because he just seemed very carefree. May was very young at heart as well. She was very young and it was like being a kid with Dad. It was probably one of the first times that I could just actually be with him and hang with him, without him going to a business meeting or the studio, or this, that and the other. Whereas when he was tied with Yoko, or the Beatles, or any other situation, he was always taken away for one reason or the other, always occupied in some way, shape or form. So probably that. But also I do recall when he was living in Tittenhurst Park. There were good times too, so I can't forget those."

Julian, 2010

Julian and John in 1974

from Julian's Instagram

Then, in early 1975, Yoko invited John over and, well, he never left. They got back together and his relationship with May was over. Yoko soon announced she was pregnant. Also, not surprisingly although indeed disappointing, John's contact with Julian went downhill. Sean was born on October 9, 1975 and he obviously became the apple in John's eye, all his focus and attention went to the new baby. I'm sure Julian, and Cynthia, knew that this will not be an easy situation now... let's face it: John made no secret who his favorite child was. I do think it's mostly because John knew he screwed up the first time around on fatherhood and decided to do better on the second time. Now, this is not my intention to do any drama or pit one brother against the other as Julian and Sean were and still are very close, they love each other deeply and I highly respect that. The contact between John and Julian didn't go downhill completely; but John started to get hard to hold of. Now that he was back with Yoko and their staff quarters in their The Dakota home, whenever Julian would attempt to call, he got more roadblocks than he could count, including Yoko excusing John saying, 'he's busy' or 'he's sleeping'. Julian wasn't the only one with that problem, John's sister Julia also. I recall Mick Jagger saying a similar thing some time back in the 1990s when trying to get in touch with John while in New York. After trying, Julian eventually would give up and let John do the calling... which he did... on occasion. It wasn't until 1977 when Julian returned to New York to see his dad and Yoko, and meet his brother Sean for the first time.

"He was back with Yoko and she was going to have a baby. He was such a warm guy and I think he had always felt guilty about the absent father he had been with Julian. Let's face it, if it weren't for May, he wouldn't have even kept in touch with Julian. Guilt had set in. He was determined not to repeat that experience" 

Mario Casciano, John's personal assistant

During this time, Julian realized an unfair reality check: Sean got whatever he wanted while Julian would get only modest gifts, while living in a cottage with limited amount of money and possessions. But, I have to say something about this: when Julian lived with John in Weybridge, he did have a big bedroom as Sean later did in The Dakota, and John did spoil Julian rotten then, too. That being said, I do think its a positive thing for Julian to experience the hard-working middle class values as it has made Julian humble and be aware of money issues, knowing frugal ways to survive, and to appreciate the value of the dollar. Of course it's more than being spoiled... there's also the fact that John was openly affectionate to Sean while struggling to muster an attempt to give Julian a pat on the head. Another is John openly saying I Love You to Sean while Julian once told Katie Couric in an interview that he doesn't remember John saying I Love You to him. I hope John did say it.... it would be tremendously heartbreaking if he didn't. He must've as John was determined to reconnect with Julian. He could've while still married to Cynthia.

"It just boggles my mind that I have this 16 year old kid now. He's into Rush, Led Zeppelin, and all these weird bands, and you know, I sometimes ask myself, 'Who is this stranger?' I have no idea what he's thinking or feeling. I have to admit that it's a lot like my relationship with my old man, and I wish we could be closer. I don't know where his head is at. I don't know what he feels, or what he thinks about me. I don't know any of his friends. I have no idea if he has any girlfriends. I don't even know if I should assume he's into girls!"

John, 1979 (private conversation with a friend)

Julian, John, and Sean with their guitars in New York City, 1978

By 1980, there had been a spike of frequent calls from John to Julian. Sean was turning five that year, the same age Julian was when his parents divorced, and John was ready to get back to music and worked on Double Fantasy. The last time Julian saw John was in April of 1979, when the family took a trip to Palm Beach where John and Yoko bought a home; John did loved it there, perhaps even inspired as he and Julian were in West Palm Beach together in December of 1974. During that holiday, Julian turned 16 years old. I believe it was the first time after the divorce, and maybe only time, that John got to celebrate his son's birthday with Julian. I'll need to look into that more. 

"I used to get shouted at a lot, and Dad would yell at me for laughing too much. Like, ‘Be quiet, Sean’s sleeping.’ All sorts of strange things... I was a bit jealous, but I never said anything.”

Julian, 1985

"I went to Dakota, and this is a relatively big room, but there is one with similar size and it would just be filled with toys and climbing things and cuddly, you know, you name it. Sean had it. And I just went, 'Hmm. I see. I see where the love's going with this,' you know. And there is Mum and I scraping by, you know, and I just thought, 'Thanks. Thanks.' No, I didn't tell him that. Of course not. Especially then, because I was, you know, afraid of him at that point in time, you know. You know, I'd witnessed his tempers at an early age. I certainly didn't want the wrath of Lennon coming down on me at that age, you know. I was just trying to get to know the guy."

Julian, 1999

"Nobody knows about children, that’s the thing. You look in the books, there’s no real experts. Everybody’s got a different opinion. You learn by default, in a way. And I made a lot of mistakes already, but what can you do? But I think it’s better for him to see me as I am. If I’m grumpy, I’m grumpy. If I’m not, I’m not. If I want to play, I’ll play. If I don’t, I don’t. I don’t kow-tow to him. I’m as straight with him as I can be. And, yes I can afford to take the time. But anybody with a working wife might be able to take the time, if he doesn’t have a working wife because they're poor and they both have to work, with the cost of living. But I know lots of dads that aren’t working that hard, in an office all day to avoid life, you know. Or sitting behind desks, doing nothing, just shuffling paper, right, waiting for lunchtime to get a cocktail. But I don’t buy that, you know, ‘my career is so important that I’ll deal with the kids later’ bit. Which I already did with my first marriage and my first child – and I kind of regret it. And now him and me have problems. And, God-willing, I won’t or we won't have problems later on or maybe we will, I don’t know. I’m just hoping that whatever I give now, which is time, I won’t have to pay because I think you can’t cheat kids, ’cause if you cheat ’em when they’re children, they’ll make you pay when they’re 16 or 17, by revolt against you or hate you or all those so-called ‘teenage problems’; I don’t really think that’s an in-born, nature thing. I think that’s finally when they get old enough to stand up to you and tell you what a hypocrite you’ve been all this time; ‘you’ve never given me what I really wanted: which was you'". 

John, 1980

"My dad was really strict that way. In fact, when you asked about the memories, I didn’t want to say it, but I have some less than happy memories, too. Of him screaming at me, you know? He definitely had a violent temper. He would get angry sometimes. And when he did, that voice that was soothing would become like a knife."

Sean, 1998

"I think it was also hard for him to become a sensitive monogamist. Because he was a macho Liverpudlian. I think my mom really tamed him. Look at the 'lost weekend' in L.A. He was a macho pig in lots of ways, and he knew it. I think his greatest accomplishment was recognizing that he was a macho asshole and trying to stop it. Like that song, Cool chick baby, a line from Death of Samantha,  That’s all about him having sex with some girl at a party where my mom was. When I think back on those events, and hear about them, I think of my dad as being a huge asshole. And the only thing that made it OK was that he could admit it. That was his saving grace. He tried to overcome it. I don’t want people to think I’m being disrespectful. But then again, he’s my dad, and I know better than they do, man. I know that he was a great guy. But he was also an asshole in a lot of ways. There’s no question about it."

Sean, 1998

“He was teaching me how to cut and eat steak, which was a mystery to me at age 4; how to stick the fork in and cut behind it, and that was how you got a piece in your mouth. I think it was that night when he got very upset with me, I think because of something I did very cheekily with the steak. He did wind up yelling at me very, very loudly to the point where he damaged my ear, and I had to go to the hospital. I remember when I was lying on the floor and hurting, and him holding me and saying, ‘I’m so sorry.’ He did have a temper.”

Sean

"We go out quite a lot together, round some of the art galleries or to his house at Long Island. When we stayed in, we have a musical jam sessions together, singing our latest songs to each other, or talking about art." 

Julian

"He was like a real Dad, you know? I mean, he was the boss. He got heavy on occasion so I didn't shoot my mouth off a hell of a lot. I was very quiet. We used to sit down with guitars and mess around, playing old blues and rock." 

Julian, 1984

"He was becoming a good father. There was a spell where he had to sort himself out because I think he was a bit of a child himself. He couldn't quite understand what was happening to him, his life was incredibly complicated."

Cynthia

"He never came to see me, I had to go to him. It's a shame, but you know, forgive and forget. I'd rather not think about the times I didn't see him."

Julian, 1985

"I was trying to get to know him more, the last couple of times we saw each other. It was difficult. Because he didn't know who I was really. It was both he and I trying to break walls down, but never to be. That's a tough one, yeah."

Julian, 1999

Julian and John in Palm Beach, Florida, April of 1979. 

It would be the last time John and Julian would see each other.

Photographed by Fred Seaman

40 Years

"I would like to say how terribly upset we are at the sudden and tragic death of John Lennon. I have always had the deepest affection for John since the divorce and have always encouraged his relationship with Julian, which I thought was the best. Julian, of course, is particularly upset about it. It came so suddenly. Julian remained very close to his father in recent years and is hoping to follow a career in music. He was looking to his father for guidance. Julian was hoping to see his father shortly. We don't know what will happen now."

Cynthia, 1980

John during the day at home in The Dakota, New York City, on December 8, 1980

Photographed by Annie Leibovitz

“You know, dad and I had been getting on and speaking a lot more on the phone, you know, when I was sort of 14, 15, 16 and 17. And I just remember I was living in North Wales at the time and I’d spent six months or a year in boarding as well and I’d finally come home. And I was living at mum’s house and I was finishing up at school and I remember him playing Starting Over over the phone, he just mixed it. And he played it over the phone and I was living in the attic in the house in this street called Castle Street in a town called Ruthin, and I remember hearing it and saying I loved it, I absolutely loved it. I didn’t know what to expect from this new album of his, Double Fantasy. And I’d heard that and I told him how much I loved it and then obviously, what happened happened. It was literally, I don’t know whether it was the same day or night after or a couple of, it was right within that time period that I woke up with the unfortunate news of, I woke up in the middle of the night with the chimney falling in into my room at the house and I just remember that as being the last kind of moments, listening to him being extremely happy in a happy place, and doing what he loved, and the music that he played me at that particular point, Starting Over, and some of the other album tracks. I was very happy for him and looking forward to seeing him again. Anyway, in another dimension.” 

Julian, 2020

December 8, 2020 marks the fortieth anniversary of John Lennon's death. 1980. I did not exist then, I entered the world almost a year later so I did not experience this loss. There's pros and cons.... a mixed bag of feelings. I would have loved to have had the opportunity to live in the same lifetime as John. However, I am relieved in some ways that I never got to experience his death. That magnitude of loss, I sometimes wondered if I would have survived that. I've been through tragic losses like Princess Diana and Robin Williams, where you're glued to the TV and tears streaming down the face. My mom said she was in bed for three days, crying over John. 

Well, I don't want to go into every fiber detail there is over John's death. You're getting enough of it as it is on television, magazines, and social media. Since this is a John and Cynthia blog, I'll just focus on her side of the story instead. 

"I was 17 when I lost my father, John was 17 when he lost his mother and Julian was 17 when he lost his father. He and John were just starting to talk together when some nutcase decided to knock him off."

Cynthia, 2000

Julian and Cynthia leaving home to go to the airport, followed by Zak Starkey, on December 9, 1980 in North Wales

In December of 1980, Cynthia's marriage to John Twist was struggling, barely hanging by the thread. Probably staying mainly together over their restaurant, Oliver's Bistro, and Cynthia trying to hold on as it was her third marriage... I don't think she was quite ready to quit and was praying a miracle would happen to save their marriage. They were cordial, obviously strained but tolerating their presence. Besides that, it was Christmas season and everyone was in a festive spirit, putting up decorations. On December 7th, Cynthia pulled a cracker and a toy gun fell to the floor. She picked it up and shivered.... the toy gun seemed very out of place amongst the decorations. The next day, on December 8th, Cynthia had to go to London to sign some legal paperwork. Oliver's Bistro was a bed and small cafe with a small staff with Cynthia, John Twist, Angie McCartney (Paul's ex-sister-in-law), and John's parents. Cynthia stayed with Maureen Starkey while in town. On that night, Maureen hosted a party with old friends, Dale and Jill Newton, from Liverpool. Maureen had a full house: her three children Zak, Jason, and Lee, her mother Florence, the children's nanny, and I believe her boyfriend Isaac Tigrett was living with Maureen but there was never really him being mentioned being there... either his presence wasn't as important in the story, or he was away on his own business trip and managing A Hard Rock Cafe. Anyway, there was dinner made by the nanny, drinks flowing around, and plenty of talking; the conversation took a sad turn on Mal Evans and his unfortunate death. On January 4, 1976, Mal (who was The Beatles roadie and assistant) was living in Los Angeles, separated from his wife Lil and their two children, and was feeling rather loss after his employment with The Beatles ended. Mal wasn't in the best situation. He did had a girlfriend and was at her house... Apparently something went terribly wrong and the police were called. Mal was having some sort of breakdown and had a gun. The police saw him waving the gun and thinking the worst, they shot him. Mal died instantly... and they discovered that the gun was unloaded. A very tragic loss and end for a kind man who wasn't in the right mind for a temporary time. At one point, Cynthia realized it was getting late and she was going to leave early in the morning to go back

John and Yoko during the day at home for the Rolling Stone magazine photo session in The Dakota, New York City, on December 8, 1980

Photographed by Annie Leibovitz

Meanwhile, on the other side of the pond in New York City, John and his wife Yoko... John got up early morning, had gotten a haircut in reminiscent of his 1950s "duck's arse" hairstyle, he was listening to Yoko's song Walking on Thin Ice that they were still working on by the time Yoko got up. They did a radio interview before the Rolling Stone magazine photo shoot with Annie Leibovitz, then to the music recording studio (the Hit Factory) until late, around 10:30 PM. John and Yoko were planning on going out for a late dinner but John wanted to come home to see Sean. As they were entering the building of The Dakota, John was ahead of Yoko when a man called out John's name. As John turned, the man started shooting with a gun, 5 shots. Four of them got John. John tried to go to the doorman for help before collapsing. The man was calm and waited for the police and got arrested, Yoko was screaming and calling for help while cradling John. The police came quickly; John was loaded in the cop car, still alive and barely conscious. The policeman asked if he was really John Lennon, to which John confirmed before dying. Once in the emergency room of St. Luke's Roosevelt Hospital, John was immediately admitted and operated on, given blood transfusions, but it was too late: John was already dead. John lost a lot of blood, one of the bullets severely damaged an artery. By 11:07 PM, John was officially pronounced dead. Yoko had followed John in another police car and was waiting in the waiting room when the doctor came out to tell her the news at 11:15 PM while handing over John's possessions.... it was when his wedding ring was given to her that Yoko knew for sure John was dead. David Geffen and Jack Douglas met up with Yoko at the hospital and went to take her back home (by police car) to be with Sean. John's body was taken to Frank E. Campbell Funeral Chapel in the morgue before cremation.

There's about a six hour difference between New York and London. When John was killed, Cynthia was sound asleep.

Elliot Mintz, Barbara Bach, and Ringo Starr leaving the Dakota in New York City after visiting Yoko and Sean on December 9, 1980. Julian arrived not long after.

John's death was announced on American television during Monday Night Football. Ringo Starr and his girlfriend Barbara Bach were on vacation in The Bahamas when her daughter Francesca called from Los Angeles with the news that John was shot but she wasn't sure if John was still alive or dead. Francesca called again a few minutes later to confirm that John was dead. While Ringo and Barbara arranged an immediate flight to go to New York to see Yoko and Sean, Ringo called Maureen to inform her the news. Maureen screamed, which woke up Cynthia. Maureen quickly burst into where Cynthia was sleeping and told her that John had been shot dead while Ringo was still on the phone. Cynthia spoke to Ringo; he told her exactly what he told Maureen: John's dead. Maureen insisted on accompanying Cynthia home and took Zak with them.

Immediately, Cynthia thought of her son, Julian.

Back in Wales, Julian was sleeping in his room but woke up, sensing something was terribly wrong. The press was slowly yet quickly gathering up around Oliver's Bistro. Cynthia had called her husband John Twist to tell him and asked him not to tell Julian until she got there... not exactly the best move as Julian certainly noticed the commotion going outside the Bistro. John had no choice but to tell Julian that his father was dead. Julian then went out to a pub with friends and drown his sorrows. Cynthia, Maureen, and her son Zak traveled to Wales. Julian was still out when Cynthia arrived and waited for him to come home. When he did, he sat on his mother's lap and she rocked him in her arms in comfort. Maureen busied herself making tea while Zak sat quietly in the corner, unsure of what to do. Then came the talk of what to do next. Maureen offered Julian her home for him as a safe refuge from the press; instead Julian opted to go to New York City. This is why I love Cynthia and Maureen's friendship, I even have a website dedicated to it called Cyn & Mo. Anyway, Julian wanted to be there and see for himself, he was also concerned for Sean. Around that moment, Yoko called. Or Julian called Yoko. Depends on what/who you believe as both versions have been said... no matter who called who, the main point was for making arrangements for Julian to fly to New York. As a protective mother, there seemed to have been a suggestion that Cynthia should come along, too, but Yoko said no. It was either Julian or Cynthia, not both... to be fair to Yoko, other than being concerned for Julian, why should Cynthia go? What would her presence be while there? Sitting quietly on a couch? That would have been awkward, and rather pointless, to be honest. Cynthia was the ex-wife, and there's bad enough tension between the ex-wife and the widow as it was. Yoko told Cynthia that it's not like they're good school friends. Cynthia felt hurt, maybe insulted, but, I must admit, I have to side with Yoko here. She had enough on her plate as it is with this tragedy, she had a five year old son who didn't know yet that John was dead, she had crowds of people mourning on her front door step of her apartment building, Yoko didn't need another person to add on. Cynthia did understand it, and Julian was 17 years old. However, there was a compromise for his best friend Justin Clayton to come along later.

Arrangements were made; John Twist and Cynthia took Julian to the airport. Maureen and Zak eventually went home. Ringo and Barbara visited Yoko and Sean and left just a few minutes before Julian arrived. I'll save Julian's stay in New York for a later date as this post is more so about Cynthia. Julian called Cynthia to let her know he was there safe and sound. Late at night, Cynthia was startled to hear a loud sound... she went outside to see what it was: her chimney had collapsed right into Julian's bedroom! If he had been there, he would have been crushed to death. Scary! 

Julian and Cynthia leaving home to go to the airport on December 9, 1980 in North Wales

"Anyway, as Christmas 1980 approached, the marriage was falling apart but John, Angie and I were still slaving away in the restaurant. One afternoon we put up the Christmas tree and Angie and I light-heartedly pulled a cracker. Instantly, a small plastic gun fell out into my hand. I tossed it away in distaste. A week or so later I had to visit London and I went to stay with Maureen - now ex-wife of Ringo. We had dinner with some friends, then, since I had to be up promptly next morning for my train back to Wales, I went to bed early. I had no sense of foreboding. No premonition. I fell asleep easily. Then suddenly in the middle of the night there was a terrible shriek and a scream. I heard all this running up the stairs and a blood-curdling howling and screaming... Terrified, I jumped out of bed and ran onto the landing. There was Maureen in her nightie, tears streaming down her face. 'Ritchie's just been on the phone,' she sobbed, 'John's been shot! He's dead.' When John died I felt as if part of my life had been wiped out. My legs nearly collapsed under me. Oh Jesus Christ, I thought. I can't cope with this. And then I thought, Julian! He's in Wales and I'm here. How am I going to get to him? I can't tell him this over the phone. 'Don't worry Cyn,' said Maureen. 'I'll drive you back.' There seem to have been so many terrible shocks in my life. So many tragedies. Throughout the long drive I struggled to come to terms with what had happened. It was as if part of my life had been wiped out. Part of me. The worst horror was that it was murder. If it had been an accident, a plane crash or a car smash somehow that would have been easier, but murder... it was just too awful..Over and over again on the news they described what had happened. How the killer had approached John on the pavement outside his New York apartment. Every time I closed my eyes I could visualise it. I could almost feel the impact of those bullets as if it had happened to me. Even though we hadn't been together physically for so long there was obviously still a spiritual bond between us that I hadn't realised until now. The murder struck me right to my soul. For months afterwards I couldn't watch anything on TV that involved a gun. Every time I saw a gun, my mind threw up an instant replay of the murder. I couldn't bear it.This picture actually shows John signing an autograph for Mark David Chapman, the man who killed him..When we arrived in Wales the street was full of reporters and photographers and the curtains of the house were drawn. It was naïve of me to think that Julian wouldn't find out until I arrived. But then I was in shock. I hadn't been thinking clearly. As it turned out John Twist had broken the news and Julian had immediately gone out with his friends for comfort. There was nothing to be done but sit and wait for him to come back. Eventually the door opened and there he was. He was 17 now, a tall, slim boy, very like his dad. Someone had given him a drink but he was white, completely ashen and he was in tears. He didn't say anything. He came straight over and sat on my knee and we wept together and I rocked him just like I did when he was a little boy. Then, after a while the phone rang. It was Yoko. She wanted Julian to come over for the funeral. I realised that much as I would have liked to pay my respects it wouldn't be appropriate for me to attend too. Yoko was the widow, not me, and we didn't want to turn a solemn event into a circus. But Julian wanted to go and though I worried about the harrowing experience he would have to face I knew I must let him. That same day I drove him to the airport and put him on a plane for New York. But the dramas weren't quite over. Late that night, as I sat staring bleakly into the fire an incredible storm blew up out of nowhere. The wind howled in a way that was quite unearthly and then there was a tremendous crash that shook the house. The noise and the impact were so enormous I thought a bomb had gone off. Terrified, I rushed out into the street in the pouring rain and as I stood there, looking up and down the road, trying to make out what had happened something made me look up. My mouth dropped open. There was a gaping hole in our roof. The big stone chimney that had stood there through storms and rain for hundreds of years had crashed right through the roof into the room where Julian would have been sleeping had he not left for America. It absolutely freaked me out. It was so bizarre. That this should have happened on the night John was killed struck me as downright spooky. Despite it all, life had to go on as it always does. I decided the only way to cope was to try to be as normal as possible and resume my duties in the restaurant. Sympathetic cards and letters flowed in and I kept reading them and reading them in an effort to make myself believe it had really happened. I was still in a daze. I went about my work like a robot."

Cynthia, 1994

"I was at Maureen's house, Ringo's ex-wife, in London when we got a call from Ringo. He was in New York when it happened. It was horrible. It took us more than a year to understand what had happened. Julian was only 17 and he had to go to the funeral in New York alone because Yoko refused to allow myself or the rest of John's family to attend." 

Cynthia, 1990 

(as stated before, Ringo was actually in the Bahamas at the time before immediately going to New York. I don't necessarily blame Cynthia for the screw up... so many things happening all at once and in grief.)

"It's really the day afterwards that I remember. I had to put Julian on the plane for New York- aged 17 and all alone, facing the death of his father. Of course I wanted to go with him, but I was told that if I came, Julian couldn't. At home, that night I heard what sounded like a huge explosion so I leaped up- only to discover that a chimney pot had fallen through the roof and into Julian's bedroom, where in ordinary circumstances he would have been asleep. It was very weird. Amazingly the chimney landed intact, and wherever I've moved from then on, it's come with me."

Cynthia, 1998

There was actually no funeral. There wasn't even an official memorial service, nothing, other than 10 minutes of silence requested by Yoko on December 14th. John was cremated at Ferncliff Cemetery in New York on December 12th; his ashes were given to Yoko. There's been a lot of debates over the years on what Yoko did with them: for years, it was said she kept him under her bed. It's also rumored that she scattered his ashes in Central Park where Yoko and John frequently walked. At one time, Yoko said she buried his ashes in an undisclosed location in England... maybe where their first unborn child is? I don't know. Only Yoko knows. Julian definitely doesn't know, Sean.... iffy on his knowledge on where his dad's ashes are located. Either way, it's really none of our business as John was Yoko's husband. She's in charge of his remains and legacy.

Cynthia was deeply shattered by John's death, no question. Honestly, I think his death was much harder for her to get over than the divorce was. His death robbed John and everyone else, especially Julian, a chance to reconnect and be close. There was so much talk of plans: for John to go back to England with Yoko (although it's also been said that they were planning to divorce) and for Sean to meet his family, his sisters, Aunt Mimi, to have a proper father-son relationship with Julian, there was talk of Julian attending an University in New York and for him to live with John. There were pending plans to go tour which John hadn't done since 1966. Maybe a Beatles reunion could've happened in a few years. Unfortunately, those ideas, those plans, went poof! disappearing forever. We will never know what would've happened if John had lived.

"I don't think he found the complete satisfaction in life, because I think was always searching, always looking for it, always searching for something new. He was due to come back to England just before he died. So he was constantly changing and looking for new quests. But whatever he did, it was totally honest and wholehearted."

Cynthia, 1985

"Just before John was gunned down, he had said he was coming back to England. That would have helped; it would have put him back in touch with his roots. He might have got to know his son properly, we might have got on... it would have been normal and natural. But then, that was never the deal. There was nothing normal or natural about it"

Cynthia, 2009

"He told them [sisters Julia and Jackie] he was coming back to England to live. That he was leaving Yoko, he'd had enough. He said he kept having a dream in which he saw himself floating down theR MTersey in a huge Cunard liner. He told Julian, too, 'I want to come home'. It was not to be."

Cynthia, 1999

"Yes, millions of people did. For me, the most tragic aspect was that my son lost his father." 

Cynthia, 1996

"His death was very hard to handle, but life goes on. I just wish that he had had a happy existence- he was always suffering in one way or another. But when I heard him sing, that was his escape."

Cynthia, 1999