There are times when I post something here and then I will find something that could've been part of that post. However, while I have gone back to update some posts, there are times when there's too much to add and I don't really want to "wake up" a four year old post with new stuff.
So, here are some quotes over subjects I have already covered. Links to that certain subject will be provided for.
"We all know what happens when we go into business with friends, but we do it anyway."
Cynthia, 1990
(when she left the restaurant Lennon's when the business venture failed)
For the post Restaurant Entrepreneur
"I couldn't believe all the love-ins and the bag-ins he did with Yoko. This was overwhelmingly a takeover of John's mind and creativity. I think he left his brain behind. It was between his legs for a time."
Cynthia
For the post After the Divorce
"I think I dreaded telling John more than I was afraid of having to tell my mother. Mum was coming over to see me from Canada, and there was no way I was going to be able to keep it from her. One look at me and she would have known straight off in any case, I felt sure. As for John, I was terrified of how he was going to react. I was afraid we'd get into a terrible row about it, as if it was somehow my fault. I cried and cried, all on my own, and eventually I made a decision. John was almost certain to dump me. Things were really beginning to happen for the group, and he couldn't be held back by a thing like this. An abortion was out of the question. It was still against the law. Women could and did go to backstreet abortionists in those days, but you risked your life if you did. Of course girls still agonize today over whether or not to keep their babies, but at least it is their decision to make. I was going to have to go it alone. I knew I'd be made to feel ashamed, that I'd be stigmatized, but I couldn't bear the thought of the alternative. I still had to tell John. He had a right to know. I couldn't bring myself to do it for days, but eventually I took a deep breath and I went for it. I still remember that day so clearly. I watched the blood.drain from his face, and I flinched and squirmed. I might have convinced myself that he was going to hit me. But then when he said, 'We'll have to get married,' it was like all my Christmases had come at once. I could hardly believe it. I told him he didn't have to, that I would understand if he didn't want to do it. 'No', he insisted, he loved me and that was that. 'It took two of us to make a baby,' he said, 'and it'll take two of us to bring it up. I'm not having you going through this on your own.' I cried and cried, with happiness, gratitude, and relief. We were going to be a proper little family."
Cynthia, 1989
For the post First Comes Love, Then Pregnancy
"There was something about being 'his girl' because it was the last thing that anyone expected. I confess, I did bask a little in his limelight. I can't explain it, really, I just did. I was shy and low-key, and me being with him did shock people. Being around John, being one of his inner circle, made anyone more interesting. There was also the fact that my mother couldn't stand him, and she made her feelings plain. She warned me that he was a very bad influence, and that no good could come of our relationship. Of course, that just made me want him all the more. It's fuel to the fire, isn't it, warning your son or daughter off some undesirable they might be falling for. It was exactly the same with Mimi. She was blinkered to the truth about him. She simply didn't see what everyone else saw. He was the apple of her eye, and no female was ever going to be good enough for her John. Not even a nicely brought up girl like me, even though I say it myself. Mimi couldn't bring herself to accept or approve of anyone who was closer to John than she was."
Cynthia, 1989
For the post Wild Ride: The Dating Years
"John seemed in need of affection, and depended on Cynthia. She used to sit at the side of the stage, dressed usually in skirts and sweaters, never saying much."
Ken Brown
For the post Rock n' Roll Girlfriend
"What do we know, at 18? And don't forget, he was the youngest, and girls tend to be much more mature than boys at that age. But of the two of us, he was the old jaded one while I was the shy, innocent, starry-eyed one. The entire time we were together, there was never a moment when the mere thought of him didn't set off the butterflies in my tummy, when I didn't feel all gasp-y and hot-cheeked. John literally took my breath away. It was as if I didn't have a choice: I had to be with him, and that was that. There's something incredibly sexy about the power that one person can wield over another, don't you think? It's that rush of adrenaline when you see them or even just think about them, I suppose. That confusing music confidence and vulnerability in a person is a truly intoxicating thing. It was not so much that he believed he was better than everyone else, but that he really didn't care either way. John could have had any girl he wanted. He could have had any of us, but he wanted me. In truth, there isn't anything that I wouldn't have done for him. I still felt that way long after we were divorced. Despite all the blood that had flowed under the bridge. John was complicated. More screwed-up than most people ever knew. I wanted more than anything for him to be happy. I don't believe he ever was, and that kills me."
Cynthia, 1989
Also for the post Wild Ride: The Dating Years
"Cynthia was talking to my wife Margaret, and asking her how she managed being left at home while The Shadows were away on tour. Towards the end of the party, an argument started up. When differences of opinion are mixed with booze, it almost always ends badly."
Brian Bennett, regarding Paul's 21st birthday party
For the post I Don't Want to Spoil the Party
These following quotes about Alma Cogan are for John the Naughty Husband.
"John thought I didn't know anything about him and Alma, and I never let on. Now that I think about it, with all the emotion gone out of it, I can absolutely see the attraction. Alma was older than John, and very much the Auntie figure. Don't forget that Yoko was also older than him, by about 7 years. Like Yoko, in so many ways, Alma was a very compelling woman. Both were driven by self-worth. You couldn't really say that either of them was beautiful, could you, not in the conventional sense. But it was as if they truly believed that they were special. If you can convince yourself of that, other people tend to think you are too. They were very alike in that sense. No, the idea of John and Alma together doesn't surprise me in the least. She was sexy, vivacious, and fun. A woman of the world. Why wouldn't John be drawn to her?"
Cynthia, 1989
"It was tragic, and I felt sorry for them all: Alma, her mother and sister,and yes, even for John. At the same time, from a selfish point of view, I couldn't help feeling relieved. The woman that my husband perhaps earmarked to replace his beloved Aunt Mimi in his affections was now lost to him. My marriage was no longer under threat."
Cynthia, 1989, regarding Alma's death in 1966
"I never got invited to Alma's parties. I was kept under wraps. John was a famous pop star, and it was all about keeping the legions of fans happy. It wasn't good for his image to have a wife and baby trailing on his coattails. Brian insisted on that. John had to be perceived to be single, and I just had to lump it. Everyone who was anyone used to go to those parties: Roger Moore, Ethel Merman, Michael Caine, even Princess Margaret. I never went."
Cynthia, 1989
Really, Cynthia? You never went? And yet in 2005 in your book John, you wrote how you met Sharon Tate and Roman Polanski at one of Alma's parties! Well, whatever, let's continue on:
"John met Yoko when he needed to, just a fortnight into his grief over Alma Cogan. She was this obsessive fan who'd turn up and follow him around. She irritated the life out of John to begin with. But Alma died, and something odd happened to him. Things turned. Yoko must have seen her opportunity, and seized it. She wore the trousers, and would control and dominate John for the rest of his life. So, Yoko became John's new Aunt Mimi. She worked out what John needed in a woman, right under my nose, and she reinvented herself."
Cynthia, 1989
And now we are moving to divorce.
"Needs must. My divorce settlement from John was very modest, and of course it's all gone now. I'll do whatever it takes to get by. I have to pay the bills like everyone else."
Cynthia
"I can't explain that. I couldn't think straight, I was out of control, I didn't want my child to see me in that state. I was destroyed by the thought of them together, how close they looked, how in tune with each other, and what they must have been getting up to in my home, behind my back. I was sick to the stomach. Any woman would be. I have asked myself so many times down the years why did I feel that I was the one who had to walk out? Why did I feel uncomfortable sticking around? It was my house, not hers! I should have kicked them both out, there and then. But I know that I wouldn't have had it in me to do that. Even though, when I saw her there, I was so angry and humiliated, I wanted to kill her. I went back with Alex and Jenny, to the place they shared. Jenny was shattered, and went straight to bed. Alex loitered, got me drunk, and made a pass at me. I was horrified. I ran to the bathroom and threw up. It wasn't until a few days later that I went home to face the music, terrified of what I would find there."
Cynthia, 1989
"Things like the time he slapped me across the face when we were still at college. The time he told me that the sound of me putting on my mascara really irritated him. There was a time when he used to love watching me put on my makeup. When we were courting, 'It was the sexiest thing,' he said. But then, of course, there was Yoko, with her make-up free face... I had to find ways of making myself hate him, and to help me feel stronger, more ready for him for whatever else he was going to throw at me. But you wouldn't believe it: when I got there, it was as if nothing had happened. Julian was already at home, everything was ship-shaped, and John acted like he was pleased to see me. Was I hallucinating? Nothing made sense. I really did start to doubt my own sanity. Once Julian was in bed and John and I were able to talk, he sat there dismissing Yoko as just another of the meaningless women he had previously confessed to having gone with. I must not let them bother me, he said. God help me, what kind of a wimp was I? I wouldn't take that lying down now! He insisted that he loved me and only me. I was in turmoil. But, once to bed and we made love. I didn't know what to think. None of this was normal. Was it the drugs? Even then, I dared to believe that everything was OK between us. It was about as far from the truth as you could get."
Cynthia, 1989
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