Tahitian Sail

 

Life With a Beatle

"Well, John's married to a non-celebrity, so there you go."

Paul McCartney, 1964

"You can't just erase so many years of living together or the memories."

Cynthia, 1990

John, Julian, and Cynthia at home on the dining room’s floor in Kenwood, Spring of 1965.

Photographed by Henry Grossman

When Cynthia became John's wife, she must have known right from the start that John wouldn't be home often. John started to "tour" outside of Liverpool since around 1959, 1960 - still early on in his relationship with Cynthia. Understandably, Cynthia got it, but it wasn't an easy thing. She wasn't alone: Julian, her mother, housekeeper Dot, Maureen, Pattie, family members, friends, the lot. But they weren't John. But, like their parents before, both fathers Alfred and Charles were part of the merchant sea men, they were gone a lot... (it destroyed Alfred's marriage to Julia yet for Charles he returned home to Lillian and became a commercial salesman... Cynthia had her dad, John did not) and I suppose that's what it felt like for Cynthia: if her mother could live through that than so can Cynthia! In this blog entry, we're going to take a look into life with a Beatle during the touring years of 1964-1966, as well as 1967, on what their relationship was like. 

According to The Beatles press officer Tony Barrow, when he and John drank Scotch at the Speakeasy Club, John mellowed away his Beatle persona and revealed the husband/father side of himself: discussing his deep love for Cynthia, needing her support, and his shame for missing out the majority of Julian's childhood. This showed Tony how normal John's instincts over his family were, how caring he was, and he did care what Cynthia thought or said. Yet despite this, Tony still believed that John and Cynthia were never made to last... Well, he was right as they didn't last. 

"Well, she's beautiful, you know, and what people don't know is how smart she is. No matter what's happening, you know, she's always there for me."

John, 1964

"In two years I went from a bedsit in Liverpool to a mansion in Surrey with gardeners and chauffeurs and a housekeeping allowance of £50 a week. It was enough to blow anybody's mind."

Cynthia, 2000

Overall, their relationship was a good relationship, John and Cynthia were happy at this point. Everything was new and exciting, meeting celebrities, getting to go to exclusive parties, eating luxurious food, riding in a Rolls Royce, and living in a mansion. For John, he definitely saw himself as the breadwinner, going on tours, and risking his life by getting pulled in all sorts of directions - physically and mentally. 

"He'd go from one thing to another, from his notepad to the piano, and then he'd listen to music, gawp at television, and read newspapers. He was basically dropping out from what was happening, thinking about things, and resting. Everything he was doing outside the home was pretty high-powered."

Cynthia, 1987

John, Julian, and Cynthia at home on the dining room’s floor in Kenwood, Spring of 1965.

Photographed by Henry Grossman

By 1966, The Beatles were tired of it. Screaming fans wore off the excitement, the press questions were ridiculous and repetitive, there were also serious talks with the Vietnam war and segregated protests. The sound system to perform sucked, technology isn't is then as it is today with special effects and tape loops to help along the live music... The Beatles couldn't perform anything from Revolver then as they could now. The fun wore out. They wanted to be home and in the studio. 

I am getting a little ahead of myself here. By now, after A Hard Day's Night, John's marriage was now well known, Julian now publicly existed, they settled into Kenwood, and can be an abnormal yet happy family. There were problems - mostly John being out of date on the things going on, particularly Julian. John would leave a baby who couldn't roll over and then arrive home to a toddler that can run around independently. I'm sure that was a bit troubling and had to adjust quickly. I'm sure John felt pangs of sadness that he wasn't able to see Julian's milestones himself (like first steps, first day of school). 

"It was hard for him to come to terms with what was going on at home."

Cynthia, 1999

"As John said, 'Life what happens to you when you're busy making other plans'. The years that followed were so intense that whatever was around the Beatles had to be just totally supportive of them. It didn't bother me, I was very happy to be in the background. I was never one for the limelight, although life changed that for me. John wasn't difficult to live with through it all. We got on like a house on fire. There were inevitable stresses because he was so tired and pressured by all the work that was being done."

Cynthia, 1995

"We had no problems at home. We were two people living in the best way we could under the circumstances. We really didn't have a cross word."

Cynthia

"As far as our marriage was concerned, we got on great. It wasn't the greatest whizzo-active relationship, and once he became a Beatle we didn't go out much and see the sights as husband and wife. But we had holidays with other Beatles and we were strong as a unit in that home."

Cynthia

"I suppose I could have but even when I was living in the mansion in Weybridge, I never blew my money. Sheets and shoes were my only luxury. John and I both came from comfortable homes but he never knew the love and support that there was in my family. So when the whole Beatles thing happened I kept my feet on the ground while he went off on some kind of lunar trajectory."

Cynthia, 2000

"During my first travels with the Beatles in 1964, John was eager to talk about his familyof three. When the subject turned to Cynthia, his eyes, always mysterious and rarely revealing of his mood, would sparkle and dance."

Larry Kane, Journalist 

"It was never an easy marriage... During their time together, I often visited them at Kenwood, John's luxurious house in Weybridge, and it was a much more equal relationship than it is portrayed in any numerous biographies. Certainly, Cynthia liked her sleep and used to go to bed early, which left John to go off into London and behaved like any self-respecting rock star would. But Cynthia was nothing like the clinging wifey that people who have never met the couple seem to imagine. And John was nothing like the rakish, thoughtless, faithless husband."

Alistair Taylor

Q: Do you trust anybody implicitly? (Interview, September 1966)

"Only the other three, and my wife." John 

"As far as I can tell you, we were all friends, we were a group, we were friends and they were playing music together, and happily as far as I know. As with any other sort of relationship, they had their ups and downs. They were only kids. They were just close friends. I can’t say brothers, no. I wouldn’t say that, but very good friends with the same thing in common: music."

Cynthia, 1982

John, Julian, and Cynthia at home on the dining room’s floor in Kenwood, Spring of 1965.

Photographed by Henry Grossman

 By 1966, things were drastically changing. John was getting deeper into drugs, mostly LSD and marijuana. Cynthia didn't do drugs and their relationship started to drift. After The Beatles stopped touring, instead of getting closer, they actually drifted apart. In 1967, Hunter Davies spent some time with them while writing his authorized biography on The Beatles (published in 1968, after John and Cynthia got divorced): on one particular evening, two salesmen came to the door and had an exchange with John while Cynthia made dinner (a slice of melon, cold meat, mash potatoes, and cauliflower). Dinner was served at 6:30. John decided to be a vegetarian and didn't eat the meat. They drank milk (to which Cynthia confirmed that was their dinner beverage). John was having a problem with his tooth, a filling was coming out. When John decided to get a helping of milk from the refrigerator, he drank from the bottle to which Cynthia thought it wouldn't be good for his tooth... I'm wondering if that's the same tooth John pulled out and gave it to their housekeeper, Dot? The tooth went up for auction after her death in 2014, and a dentist bought it. While eating, they watched television with John or Cynthia getting up to change the channel (before the remote control) as they never seem to agree on any programs for more than 10 minutes. After dinner, John continued to stare abstracted while Cynthia read the Daily Mirror and Julian started to draw. Julian would chatter away and narrated whatever he was drawing while John and Cynthia smiled at him. Then Cynthia cleared up dinner, John and Julian went outside for some fresh air. John sat on a step by the pool while Julian threw some oars in and took them out of the pool before going back in the house. Terry Doran arrived, Julian sat on his knee. It was his bedtime, so Cynthia jokingly asked if Julian wanted either Terry or John to put him to bed. Julian picked Terry but Cynthia ended up putting him to bed. Meanwhile, John and Terry shared a joint. Cynthia returned and they watched television until midnight when Cynthia made hot cocoa. Terry left, John and Cynthia went up to bed; John wanted to read this book someone gave them that Cynthia wanted to read first. That was the average evening route of the Lennon family. Cynthia did noticed a change in John: more nicer, quieter, more tolerant, but still doesn't communicate much. Because he wasn't touring anymore in 1967, John tried to get up more earlier than 2 or 3 in the afternoon. Out of the Beatles, I think John was the most laziest and being a homebody - to which I can relate... maybe it's a Libra thing? Sure, we can go to work, travel, etc. but overall staying at home, puttering around, and not being too social the day away is the typical way to live. 

"Perhaps I'm being selfish. It's just easier for me if he tells me things."

Cynthia, 1968

"I don't have to go anywhere now, perhaps a club now and again. Cyn cons me into it. We went to some opening night, some old friend. David Jacobs was everywhere. I went with George. He realized what was going to be like the minute we got to the door but I didn't. I looked round and he'd gone. He never even went inside. But I was in and was stuck. It was horrible."

John, 1968

It was hard to go out now that John was famous and can get recognized. The place, like a movie theater or a shopping department store, would have to be notified in advance so they could empty out or after hours of closing time to let The Beatles shop in peace. 

"But we can't do a simple thing together as a family, like going for a walk. It's terrible. Sometimes I wish it had never all happened."

Cynthia, 1968

Another thing that's been going on was John's habit of zoning out, especially when he watched television. Cynthia would talk to him, but he wouldn't respond. Some commentators would say that he was ignoring her, yet Cynthia didn't mind. George also had the same habit: Pattie would talk to him while George's mind would be zoning elsewhere. Both women chalked it up to song creativity.

"Sometimes I would start to talk and he'd [George] be so deep in thought about the lyrics or the melody he was writing that he was writing that he wouldn't answer. We'd be in the same room but he wasn't really with me: he was in his head. Most of the time I didn't mind. I'd think, Oh, good, he's writing a new song - he was always happiest when he was being creative."

Pattie Boyd, from her book Wonderful Tonight: George Harrison, Eric Clapton, and Me, 2007

"When John wasn't working he lay on the sofa, apparently watching the TV - which he liked to keep permanently switched on - but often a million miles away, lost in a daydream. I'd talk to him and he wouldn't hear me. This was nothing new: he had always been able to 'tune out' his surroundings and the busier his life became the more often he was 'present but absent'. I didn't mind: it was his way of coping with the stresses of his life, and these 'absent' moments were a vital part of the creative process. After an hour or two he'd often get up, go to the piano and start writing a song."

Cynthia, from her book John, 2005

"If I am on my own for three days, doing nothing, I almost leave myself completely. I'm just not here. Cynthia doesn't realize it. I'm up there watching myself, or I'm at the back of my head. I can see my hands and realize they're moving, but it's a robot who's doing it."

John, 1968

Here's a conversation John had with Tony Barrow, year unknown:

"Should we have waited, do you reckon? If Cyn hadn't been pregnant, would I have married her? If the Beatles get really big, maybe I could have a Hollywood film star for a wife!" John

Q: I think one famous person in the family was enough

"We can always have a film star or two as well, can't we? I'd hate to come home to an empty place. I couldn't live on my own" John

Q: You know, you love your own company. Even Cyn says you can go for days without speaking to her. She feels a million miles away from you.

"Ah, but she's not, is she? She's in the kitchen putting the kettle on." John

Cynthia and John at the the launch of The Beatles' Apple Boutique at Baker Street in London, England on December 5, 1967

"She was a really nice girl. I lived just down the road from John and Cynthia in Weybridge. We’d take the kids out — their son Julian, and Zak my eldest. Everyone thinks we were in this cage, but we would live semi-normal lives. If the locals know you, it’s okay. We’d have bonfire night. John would have Julian on his lap and I’d have Zak. Cynthia was a caretaker in many ways. If you were crazy she’d say, ‘Come and sit over here,’ and she’d talk you down.”

Ringo Starr, 2015

"He was definitely on a different planet during the making of Sgt. Pepper. Although for a time the drugs were part of it... I think the drugs destroyed a lot of his creativity."

Cynthia

"Creatively, it’s very difficult to say. I think drugs were an escape at the time. And that’s my view, and they were still – no matter what they did, as far as drugs were concerned, I think they were creative in themselves. So the creativity would still be there. It might be heightened or lessened – but they were still very creative."

Cynthia, 1982

*That’s true. That’s true, because they evolved together from such an early age and they went through so much together, that I think it would be impossible. It was impossible, really."

Cynthia, 1982

"I think those years were our growing years, growing into individuals. And John's path was a different path to mine."

Cynthia, 1995

"Of course there were terrible moments but my life has been fascinating. I lived through a crazy, chaotic and unique part of history and I have a beautiful son because of my marriage to John Lennon."

Cynthia, 1980

"Cynthia was also out a good deal, especially in the evenings, and I soon noticed with surprise how very little time she and John spent in each other's company. In fact such was the irregularity of their respective comings and goings that they had agreed that whoever came home last would sleep in the guest room so as not to disturb the other. The master bedroom, which they normally shared, was actually a vast room on the first floor housing a massive eight-foot double bed and a sunken bath at the far end, and it was here that John loved to lie in till late in the morning. I observed very few dialogues between John and Cynthia, and the only conversation which struck me as significant took place in the study when they were sharing a drink with Freddie and myself from the 'globe' cocktail cabinet. John, spawled out unceremoniously across one of the plush velvet armchairs, was clearly in one of his uncompromising moods. And when the discussion turned to diet, he announced bluntly to Cynthia 'You're getting pretty fat, aren't you?' The tone of the comment was far from jocular, and the recriminating glance which Cynthia threw back at him confirmed to Freddie and myself that things were far from good between them. But in spite of the isolation Cynthia seemed contented and her daily routine was well organized. She was still meditating- a legacy from the Maharishi- and claimed that it was only by meditation that she was able to withstand the pressures she inevitably faced as the wife of a superstar. It certainly must have worked for her as she was always a very calm and serene woman."

Pauline Lennon Stone, Alfred's widow

"Yoko had 10 years and I had 10 years and I would rather have had the 10 years I had than the ones she did. I had the raw talent and the raw human being, before the sycophants arrived."

Cynthia, 2000

“I knew the man up until our divorce – after that I didn’t know the man, but it didn’t stop me caring about him and worrying because of the complete change that I saw in him. He’d lost his sense of humour and he got aggressive; he wasn’t for the world any more, he was just for Yoko. Before that he opened his arms and embraced the world with his wit and humour – afterwards he was a completely different kind of person.”

Cynthia, 2005

Tindian Lentil and Fresh Vegetable Curry

Ingredients:

Lentils – A Handful

Rice – A Cupful

Carrot – 1 Large carrot, or a few smaller ones

Onion – 1 large White

Garlic – As much as you want, or none at all

Ginger – A Handful

Curry Powder/Paste – 1 Large Tablespoon of your Fav Indian & Thai Paste (my preference being: Thai Thom Yum)

Fresh Cilantro – A Handful, roughly chopped

Fresh Basil – A Handful, roughly chopped

Stock – One Cube, unless you have fresh Homemade Stock (Veg or Chicken)

Coconut milk – ½ to 1 Can

Coconut Oil & Sesame Oil

Instructions: 

Chop up a selection of Vegetables that you love.

Sauté the Onions & Ginger in a shallow pan, with a little Butter & Coconut Oil. Add the Garlic & chopped Vegetables, and cook for approx. 10 minutes, unless you prefer your Vegetables being a little more ‘Al Dente’. Add Lentils at this time too — I tend to buy ready-cooked, due to time constraints. Add ⅔ of a can of Coconut Milk & a dash of Sesame Oil.

Whilst all that is going on, You should have some hot water time to boil. But… I also add 1 Tablespoon of Coconut Oil to the hot water, and a good pinch of salt. 

Again, this is a quick recipe, so I use a 10-minute Boil-in-the-bag rice (can be Long Grain, Brown, or whatever your favourite is…). Put your rice on…  

Add all other ingredients to the Vegetables & Stir on a low heat.

Once the rice is done, you’re ready to roll… I tend to drizzle a touch more Sesame Oil on top, at this time.

Follow George

 

Welcoming John Home

 

Cynthia's Life Wisdom

Cynthia, around 1969-1970

 On what would've been Cynthia's 83rd birthday, here's some quotes to celebrate her life:

"Pretty evenly balanced, I would say. I hope I take the best out of life. It's the only way to survive. I had some fantastic times, I also had some very tragic times, but there are many people who have such extremes. You just get on with it."

Cynthia, 1995

"I've not altered since the Beatle days. I have always been the same. It is the people and places around me that have changed."

Cynthia, 1980

"It was Julian who kept me on earth. John was gone most of our marriage. He belonged to the rest of the world. Julian was the best thing that came out of our marriage. I've done well. I'm not a junkie, I'm not an alcoholic. And it's probably because of Julian."

Cynthia, 2006

“Instead of living with somebody, I get married. That’s me. I like the solidity of marriage. I think the shadow of John is always there. I’ve had a very interesting married life. I’ve been married longer than most people, but to different men."

Cynthia, 2005

"It just comes naturally if it’s what you believe in. Many years ago I did Beatles conventions and I never thought I could do that, but once you’ve been in that situation, been on a platform being questioned by 2000 Beatles fans, you just go back, it’s what you’ve learnt,what you’ve experienced."

Cynthia, 2007

"You get what you ask for in this life, it’s as simple as that. If you want to go out there and self promote, that’s easy enough to do, you can do that anywhere. But if you know the right places to go, the right people and you have good friends then you can live a normal life. If you want all of that Tinseltown stuff, you can have it, if you don’t, you don’t, it’s up to you."

Cynthia, 2007

"The 10 years I spent with John are part of what I am."

Cynthia, 1999

"I come from a family of very placid, quiet people, and I have always been the same. Nothing that's happened to me in the whole Beatles saga has done anything to change that. I've never once felt in need of a psychologist. In fact it's funny, because Julian recently came home and told me he'd been to a psychologist in America at his girlfriend's insistence. She wanted to sort their relationship out or something. But he said, 'Mum, they're all crackers there. You're my analyst and you don't cost anything,' so we're each other's shrink!"

Cynthia, 1994

"He changed my life...well, he didn't, but the whole situation changed my life completely. God knows where I would've been ended up. I probably would've been a school teacher with about three or four children in a boring situation. I've had the most amazing life, a wonderful life. I'm still alive and kicking. I've got the best son anyone could possibly wish for in the world and a marriage to a wonderful man [Noel Charles] also. Sounds very gushing, but I'm really happy. And all the experience has not spoiled anything for me, I promise you. I still open my eyes in the morning and feel a beautiful, sunny day in Spain and think how lucky I am."

Cynthia, 2005

Long Beautiful Hair

Cynthia and John in New York City, February of 1964

I haven't really discussed anything about John's hair, it's pretty much a known story that John got his Beatle haircut in Paris by a Hamburg friend as it was a popular hairstyle in Europe, yet Astrid Kirchherr gets heavy credit for popularizing. That was done in 1961 after having Elvis Presley inspired "duck arse" style for a few years. Cynthia loved it. Maybe because of Astrid, Maureen Starkey*, and perhaps Pattie Boyd*, or her mother's friends who frequent the hair salons, Cynthia got swept by cutting hair herself. Maybe it was the thing back then as my grandmother was also interested in cutting hair herself... except hers get disastrous results! Her children have quite a few school pictures of hair not evenly straight and, I too was a victim of her shaky hands trying to cut hair. Grandma loved it, but couldn't do it. Cynthia must've done well because John never appeared to have a bad hair day (*Both Maureen and Pattie worked in the hair salon. Maureen was a trainee and Pattie was offered to become a model while doing a modeling agency woman's hair. Also to note that Linda McCartney cut hair as well...).

Q: When did you last go to the barber's? (Press Conference, 1966)

"I haven't been to a proper barber for years. George often cuts my hair when we're on the road and Cyn does it when I'm at home." John

Cynthia wrote in her book, John, that she also cut his father Freddie's hair when she met him for the first time in 1965. Freddie's hair was long and unkept; he happily accepted his daughter-in-law's offer. I suppose Cynthia stopped cutting John's hair around 1967 after Magical Mystery Tour era as John's hair got long during the India era in early 1968.

Then there's Cynthia's hair. Cynthia was originally a reddish-brown before she dyed it blonde and remained blonde about 99% the remainder of her life. There's two sides of the story (which I already covered early in the blog... here's a recap:)

1) John "made" Cynthia go blonde. 

Yet Cynthia insisted (maybe about 15 years before she died) that...

2) Cynthia dyed it before dating John while in an experimental and funny frenzy with best friend Phyllis Mackenzie.

Sorry, Cynthia, but I have to go with 1, John "made" Cynthia dye her hair. There's pictures of proof that Cynthia indeed had dark hair when she started to date John, dyeing her hair afterwards. I'm sure Phyllis was indeed there when Cynthia changed her hair color, but it's got to happen AFTER Cynthia started her relationship with John, not BEFORE.

Well, anyway, the point is that Cynthia happily changed her hair color and started to grow it long. Her short dark hair wasn't doing much impressions on anybody, that's for sure.

Anyway, all was well with each other's hair until one night sometime in 1962-1963 (after moving in with Aunt Mimi and before Julian's birth)... John was due to arrive home and Cynthia wanted to look all pretty for his return. So, with her long beautiful blonde hair, she went to the hairdresser who convinced her to cut the hair short. When Cynthia saw the finished result... yikes! She pretty much started to freak out! It was TOO short for John's liking and she knew he wouldn't be happy. That night, when John was supposed to come home, Cynthia disguise her hair in curlers and was already sleeping when he came in. Then came morning... Cynthia obviously couldn't hide her hair and, sure enough, John got angry. However, Cynthia underestimate his anger - John was ANGRY! After he had his fit, John gave Cynthia the silent treatment for 3 days. Cynthia has mentioned she preferred the yelling than the silent treatment, as at least John was "talking" to her. 

"Poor John, it was all too much for him. Even though the Beatles' success was thrilling, and was the answer to all our prayers, there was something about the way things were going that wasn't right, for John. He wouldn't talk about it, and I was able to piece together only over time from bits and pieces that were said. They were recording their own songs and having hits with them, which was what they desperately wanted. But Brian had insisted on imposing a whole new image, which John was finding very hard to come to terms.with. It was all about a 'look' and an 'attitude' that simply were not John. He had to toe the line and behave himself now that they were in the spotlight. It was such a strain for him, concealing and repressing his true self, and he was bound to react against it every now and again. Me going and alternating my 'image', too, was more than he could take. He couldn't handle it. He wanted the old Cyn, the one he'd fallen for. He just wanted me to stay the same. I was too young and self-preoccupied to realize that at the time. I must have thought that I'd become dowdy and unattractive the minute my baby was born, and just wanted to zap myself up a bit. Whatever it was, it was a mistake. If I could, I'd have given anything to go back to the way things were."

Cynthia, 1989 

It does seem very ridiculous to be angry over a haircut. But, as Cynthia observed in a psychological views, John's career was changing and he wanted his home life - especially his wife - to be the same. To be able to have ONE thing in his life not to change. That being said, after 3 days of anger silence, John must have realized this was ridiculous as hair can grow back and forgave Cynthia. After that, Cynthia's hair did indeed grow long. 

There was a point in 1967 (Sgt. Pepper era) and 1968 (Rishikesh) when Cynthia's hair got dark to her natural hair color. I don't think John really minded, especially in 1967, and definitely in 1968 (he was ignoring her in India, anyway). 

In the 47 years Cynthia lived after her divorce from John, her hair barely changed since then. There was a time in the late 1970s (1978, when her first book was published) when Cynthia had a perm of curly hair and her hair looked darker... getting perms were the big  "thing" in the 1970s, 1980s so I can imagine Cynthia getting swept by that phase, and probably very relieved that she didn't have John around dictating on how her hair should look. Cynthia was once asked why she didn't dye her hair back to brown? She stated that that's how she liked to look. I suppose Cynthia thought she looked much better as a blonde... And I have to say, I agree. I can't imagine Cynthia with dark hair, it looked so strange whenever I come across a rare picture with dark hair - I'm so used to her as a blonde! Same thing with Madonna.