Wild Ride: The Dating Years

Tony Carricker, Cynthia, John, and Jon Hague

For Cynthia, dating her new boyfriend wasn't easy. John had a lot of anger in him: starting with having an absentee father, a mother who had very few options of the times for her to keep her son under her care, and ended up living with his Aunt. His mother had children with another man and living a life as a wife despite never divorcing John's father. As John became a teenager, he spent a lot of time with Julia and was at her house when the policeman came by with news of Julia's death. Julia died on July 15, 1958 after being hit by an off duty drunk policeman while crossing the street. Right after her death and drifting away from Thelma Pickles, John got involved with Cynthia. John also drank alcohol heavily and could be temperamentally difficult. He had his fair share of fights, confrontations, and sudden mood swings where he would be happy and loving, sarcastic and livid a second later. Cynthia never knew what to expect or hardly hints of warning.

“I remember he had a great deal of pain and insecurity in him, that was constantly trying to come out. His father left home when he was a child and his mother went to live with someone else, so he was brought up by his Aunt Mimi. And he was very happy for years. When he was 15, he met his mother again and they got on famously for a year. Then she was killed in an accident right outside his home. When I met him a few months later he had a great chip on his shoulder.”

Cynthia, 1976

“Catch? When I met him, he wasn't a catch. If he hadn't been a Beatle he’d have been a bum. Stuart was the brilliant artist but Stuart didn't have that brilliant humor. They were a good foil for each other. John was screwed up from the beginning, so when it came to any pain he had to switch off. He couldn't take it. That's when he would disappear into his own world or become cold. He was very selfish in that respect.”

Cynthia

“John was in constant need of proof of love and security and he was constantly testing people for that proof.”

Cynthia

“He didn't talk about his mum to anybody but me. It shattered his life. He often said how horrible it was that he’d lost her just at the time she was becoming his best friend. I could see the feeling welling up deep inside him, then he would say something like that and closed down. I’d say, 'Come on, John, I want to know all about you,’ and he’d shake his head as if to say no. It was obviously too painful for him to open up very much. I'm sure that's why he went completely crazy at college and why the combination of drink and anger made him so aggressive. It was a bitter rage. When he became successful as a Beatle he was a different person altogether. The aggravation was restrained. He became gentle. He still drank but he didn't get so aggressive.”

Cynthia, 1985

“It was like living on a knife’s edge. I don't think I ever drew the real John out. I don't think he ever got over the tragedy of his mother. Most of his life was a bit of an act. He was very, very jealous and very possessive and I was aware of his jealousy but not his violence.”

Cynthia, 2007

“I was totally under his spell but I was really quite terrified of him 75% of the time.”

Cynthia

“I think she offered him a kind of mother thing. She was so warm and gentle. She was the kind of person anyone would have been proud to have as a mother.”

Thelma Pickles

There were two major problems that Cynthia had with John:

1. His temper and sudden mood swings
2. His jealousy and possessiveness

Over time, John seemed to have cooled off. He still got jealous and switched moods without warning. But once he realized Cynthia loved him and wanted to be with him, John relaxed. Despite this, John wanted all of Cynthia's attention; her college work started to suffer, she saw less of her friends and her mother. She started to play hooky to go to the cinema (mostly to make-out), going to a cafe or to Ye Cracke, or to Stuart's for some lovey dovey stuff.

“He used to say I was his rival for Cynthia's attention.”

Phyllis Mackenzie, 1985

“I was in sort of a blind rage for two years. I was either drunk or fighting. It had been the same with other girlfriends I’d had. There was something the matter with me.”

John, 1968

“I was frightened of him. He was so rough. He wouldn't give in. We fought all the time. I thought if I give in now, that’ll be it. He was really just testing me out. I don't mean sexually, just to see if I could be trusted, to prove to him that I could be.”

Cynthia, 1968